one more light / dnf

three - pinky promise

hi!! TW// mention of sui**de

george had been waiting the whole day for this exact moment. he would now call dream and tell him everything.

the stressed boy sat down in front of his computer and stared at it ignoring everything else around him. humming from the ac, his cat meowing outside the door, the wind outside. everything.

it will be okay, dream is the most supportive guy i've ever met and he loves me no matter what, george thought. that didn't help.

dream was still mad at george. george was really afraid. what if dream didn't believe him?

"i can do this," george said quietly trying to cheer himself. he took a sip of his water and cleared his throat.

"hi dream! hi baby! ello luv!," george thought how'd he greet dream. why was it this hard?

george took a better position and called dream still trying to think what to say. dream took a bit but when he finally answered it was all just quiet. no words.

"now you're ready?" dream asked george. "i was born ready," george replied. george's mind was full of different empowering things he could come up with. he was slowly but surely starting to feel more confident with himself in this scary and new situation.

he'd just let it all out from the bottom of his aching heart. it was aching from all the lies he had told to dream just to seem happy. everything he'd always been wanting to tell dream was about to be told now. it was scary.

"okay clay, i am going to be one hundred percent honest here. i have some very rough things to say, but please, listen to me. i am not doing okay.

i was diagnosed with depression about six months ago, but i've been feeling depressed for a long time way before that. along with depression i have some other diagnoses but i think they are not that important right now.

i'm feeling like i'm all alone and worthless, disgusting, non-important and my mind is filled with disgusting and negative stuff.

somedays i'm so tired that i can't even get up from my bed, i can't shower nor brush my teeth, i can't eat. basic daily things become impossible. i know this may sound like i'm just lazy, but i physically can not do those things.

somedays i even feel like life has nothing to give me anymore. somedays i want to die. i know this sounds really extreme, but it's true. i feel like i have lived long enough.

it fucking sucks. and nobody knows about this. about anything actually. i'm in constant pain mentally, sometimes physically."

"george?" dream asked quietly. his voice trembled. you could hear the pain in his voice. he was about to cry.

"dream, i'm sorry. i shoud've told you all this way earlier," george said. he felt like a huge pressure in his chest was now gone. fully gone. he was relieved.

"it's fine.. baby i'm really sorry you've been through all that alone" dream said. it was now obvious he was crying and struggling with his words not knowing what to say. he tried his best to hide it so george wouldn't notice it. he wanted to be strong. but it was obvious.

"i'm doing better now since i got medication, but i still have bad days. yesterday was one of those," george answered. george was waiting for dream to say something, but he didn't.

george put the volume higher and soon could hear him crying really quietly. "dream? baby?" george asked cautiously. no answer, only crying.

george started feeling really bad for his boyfriend. "hey, you don't need to cry.." he continued after getting no answer.

dream was feeling like a horrible boyfriend. how couldn't he notice the signs of george feeling depressed and so worthless. he hid his feelings so damn well.

dream was disappointed in himself. how could he be so blind. "i'm a horrible boyfriend," dream said still crying. "i am a fucking horrible boyfriend!" he said again, this time a lot louder. almost yelling.

he punched his desk out of frustration and disappointment. "dream calm down! i love you, you are not a horrible boyfriend" george said loudly so it would get dream's attention.

"i was blind as fuck!" dream shouted. "and it's fine!" george stated trying to make dream calm down.

"it's fine," george said again, a lot quieter. dream started finally to calm down a little. he still thought it was all his fault. he felt like he had let his boyfriend down.

"george i'm so sorry" dream said. he wasn't crying anymore. yet he felt numb. the news about george's depression shocked him really badly.

"baby i love you, you don't need to be sorry," george said quietly with a small smile on his face. he was proud of himself. he did it.

"are you getting any help right now? like seeing a therapist or someone?" dream asked. he was really worried about george.

george only had his medication, but he didn't have any extra money for therapy. he had to pay bills to help his mom. even though his mother had a job, she didn't make too much money to buy everything. george of course wanted to help her since he still lived with his mother.

"no, it's really expensive but i'm fine, i'm getting better," george said. he lied. he wasn't getting better. his panic attacks were getting much worse and any thoughts of future made him anxious.

but he didn't want to tell that to dream. if his reaction to george being depressed was that bad, george didn't even want to think how bad it would be if he told about him getting even worse.

"okay, then i'll pay it for you. how much?" dream asked immediately. he didn't hesitate at all. he was ready to do anything for george.

their love was something so strong. stronger than anything.  both of them would do anything to save the other. everyone around them knew that they were literal soulmates. they didn't care about the distance between them. it only made their love stronger.

their love was like a fireplace and hot chocolate on a freezing cold night. who wouldn't want that? that's something everyone wants. the warmth.

"you are not going to pay my therapy clay, i'm doing much better than before." george answered dream smiling, even though dream couldn't see it.

george loved seeing dream care so much about him. it made him feel so safe and loved.

dream didn't like george's answer, but didn't say anything about it. he didn't want to start a fight about this. it was only up to george. dream couldn't force him to do anything.

"if i really need help, i can call somewhere" george said calmly. "promise me, if you're ever getting worse, tell me.." dream demanded quietly, almost whispering. "i will baby, i will." george whispered him back.

"pinky promise?"

"pinky promise."