one more light / dnf

six - panic attack

hello you gorgeous people! i hope you're having a wonderful day!!!! TW & CW// mentions of suic*de, negative thoughts and panic attack.

george made himself some delicious pasta with chicken. he also put a few cherry tomatoes and cucumber on top of it to make it even a bit fresh. he went back to his room and sat down. he began to watch dream's old videos as he ate.

for three nights straigth george, dream and sapnap had been having so much fun together. they recorded the video, they sleep called and sapnap even took george and dream shopping with him via video call.

george had started feeling a little weird. he was once again getting tired really easily no matter how much he slept. he was feeling slowly more and more numb. he didn't think that not eating his medication would affect him this much nor this fast.

george didn't know if he would be able to fake being happy because he was getting only worse every hour. he decided anyways to even try it. but if it was getting too bad, he'd tell dream. dream would notice it at some point by himself and george would rather tell him.

when george had eaten, he took the dishes and brought them to the kitchen sink. he knew he'd need to do the dishes but even the idea of it sounded too tiring. his mom was working all day so she wouldn't be doing the dishes either.

george had been getting really negative thoughts. thoughts about hurting himself and death. when he saw a knife in the sink, he had to take a deep breath. he didn't want to do anything to himself but his thoughts were telling him to hurt himself. to kill himself.

george shook his head as his eyes started to fill with tears. george ran back to his room and started to cry. he wasn't expecting that he'd feel this horrible and have this bad thoughts. it kept getting worse. it was really rough for george.

"kill yourself", "dream hates you", "no one likes you", "just do it", "you deserve death"

"shut the fuck up, please.." george whispered to himself. he sat down on his bed staring at the wall. he wasn't bawling. only some tears running down his cheeks as he was chewing on his lips. he felt numb. he felt paralyzed.

george's mind was empty. he had no thoughts. only numbness and those stupid quiet negative whispers that weren't george's. george knew it. they weren't his. they were random quiet whispers with negative intentions.

george wiped his tears with his sleeve and stood up. he knew he needed to do something, otherwise he would drown in the whispers. george opened his computer and opened discord. he sent 'vc' in a groupchat so even someone would come to talk with him and maybe play something.

after a few minutes waiting george could hear the joining sound from discord. he looked at his another monitor where he had discord open and saw that sapnap had joined. as he joined, he burbed as a hello.

"you're disgusting, sapnap" george said laughing. "your mom is disgusting" sapnap answered and giggled. "what are you doing?" sapnap asked and opened a can of something. probably some kind of an energy drink.

"just playing some bedwars and winning," george answered. right after saying that, he screamed. "i lost," he said disappointed. "yeah, because you're a loser" sapnap joked. that was true. george knew he was a loser. he knew sapnap didn't mean it that way; it was their way to joke.

"this game sucks," george said as he closed minecraft and laid back on his chair. "no, you suck" sapnap noted. "i know, i know" george mumbled.

"wanna play something together, i can carry," sapnap said really close to his mic. george startled a bit, since he was not expecting that. "yeah, sure, but i'm the one carrying" george said and took a better position on his chair.