The Color Blue

12.12

You know that moment when you see something that absolutely heart renches your heart? This was that moment. This was the moment where my world fell apart again and all the colors around me turned red. I didn't really know what to do but stare and stay still. The colors are scary terrifying red that made my legs shake and made my mind twirl. "Hi" he said and I finally let out a breathe. "What are you doing here?" I asked him, "we need to talk" he said and I walked outside and closed the door behind me. We sat on the patio and stayed silent for a moment, "when you came along your mom and I were kids, we were teenagers and I feel like that had a lot to do with everything" he said, "I was a kid, I was an actual kid and I needed my dad, I wanted you to be at my soccer games and at my middle school graduation, where were you?" I asked him and he stayed silent. "I developed a weird obsession over feelings and colors because of you and I hated it" I said. "I'm here now" he mumbled, "I don't need you now because I have Dave, Dave is my dad, he was here when I broke my leg and he was here at my graduation, he was here to take me to all the dances and he was here at every single game, that's my dad" I said and the words I said hurt him. "I want us to have a connection, I want you to meet your siblings" he said, "I already have siblings I don't want to be in your pity family, I have a family" I said, "and I have a girlfriend" I added. "Homosexuality is a sin, we both know that" he said and as soon as he said that my step dad opened the door, "what did you just say to my daughter?" He asked approaching the slightly shorter man. "Dad it's fine" I said, "no it's not fine because you leave and then think it's okay to come back and tell her how to live her life? My daughter is happy and she's in love and that's all that matters that she's loved and if you have a problem with her sexuality leave" my dad said and Kyle just walked away. I would lie if I said seeing him walk away didn't hurt me like the first time I saw him walk away. The little girl in the pink dress watched her dad walk away and so did the girl in the pink shirt. "Come on" my dad said taking my hand and bringing me inside.
I didn't really wanna get out of bed, I felt heavy in my heart and the colors we're driving me crazy because there was so many shades of grey and red. I stopped thinking when the door opened and I heard the voice of Billie. "What are you doing here you had a interview" I asked her, "I heard what happened" is all she said before getting into bed with me and getting under the covers. She kissed my cheek and brought me closer to her. In that moment the scary colors calmed down and everything turned a baby blue. But that baby blue had some red in it and I didn't really understand why.