Before We Fall

Part 1, Chapter 6

so this chapter picks up right before the scene break in chapter 4
idk how clear that would have been so i'm clarifying it here
also @ my friend who wanted me to put in angst COME GET Y'ALL JUICE-

Sky's POV

"I didn't catch your name!" I called after her, but she just ignored me and walked away.

Josh came up behind me and leaned his elbow on my shoulder. "And, another one bites the dust."

I shoved his arm off me. "Yeah, I get it."

"Eh, she'll come around. Probably. Maybe."

"Yeah, that's real reassuring." I groaned as we left the rehearsal building. "We're gonna be spending the next eight months on the road together, and I'd prefer if she didn't hate me."

"She doesn't hate you," Ben said, walking up behind me. "Probably."

"Both of you suck," I said, walking away and down the sidewalk. I had to make things right with her, but I had no idea how I was supposed to do that.

I collapsed in a seat at the Subway we had walked to, digging the heels of my hands into my eye sockets as the events of the morning replayed in my mind over and over. Ben sat down next to me.

"Hey, didn't she say something about how getting her new pointe shoes wouldn't hurt? Maybe you could try that," He suggested.

I glanced up at him, then over to where Alivia was sitting. "That actually might work."

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After rehearsal, I walked to a dance supply shop a few blocks down from the rehearsal building. Inside, I picked out a gift card and pointe shoe keychain, hoping it would be enough to smooth things over between us. I got a "sorry for your loss' card at a bodega down the street and wrote, "Sorry for ruining your shoes. -Sky" inside, before taping the gift card and keychain below it.

At rehearsal the next day, I waited until she was called to run a segment of one of the dance breaks in the show to slip the card inside her dance bag. I held my breath as she read what I had written, a small smile playing on her lips. I let out an involuntary sigh of relief when she clipped the keychain to her dance bag, grateful that she hadn't taken it the wrong way. 

When we broke for lunch, she stopped me on our way out.

"Hey," she started. "I just wanted to apologize for how I acted yesterday. It was totally uncalled for, and I should have accepted you didn't mean any harm. I'm Alivia Newman, by the way. Thanks for the card." She turned on her heel and left, leaving me standing in the middle of the rehearsal room, a strange butterfly sensation brewing in the pit of my stomach. 

Ben comes up behind me, leaning against my shoulder. "Guess I was right."

My mouth dry as a desert, I managed to mumble, "Yeah, guess you were."

Alivia's POV 

I sat criss-cross applesauce on the marley floor, sewing ribbons and elastic to the pointe shoes I had gotten at a dance supply store a few blocks away when we broke for lunch earlier that day. I know I told Sky that he could get me new shoes to make up for ruining my old ones, but I didn't expect him to actually follow through. I softened the box of the shoes under my heel once the ribbons were secure, and broke the shank. 

I was the only one in the rehearsal room, so I figured I might as well make use of it. I put my iPod on shuffle as I laced up my pointe shoes, the song that started playing hitting me with a wave of memories. 

"Shadows settle on the place that you left
Our minds are troubled by the emptiness
Destroy the middle, it's a waste of time
From the perfect start to the finish line..."

This song had always been one of Jacob's favorites, and hearing it always reminded me of him. 

"And if you're still breathing, you're the lucky ones
'Cause most of us are heaving through corrupted lungs
Setting fire to our insides for fun
Collecting names of the lovers that went wrong
The lovers that went wrong..."

I moved across the dance floor to the rhythm and beat of the song playing from my iPod. My steps and leaps were loud and my turns were sloppy from the new pointe shoes, but I didn't care, my vision slowly blurring as my eyes filled with tears. 

"And if you're still bleeding, you're the lucky ones
'Cause most of our feelings, they are dead and they are gone
We're setting fire to our insides for fun
Collecting pictures from a flood that wrecked our home
It was a flood that wrecked this home..."

It wasn't a flood that ruined everything, but this home was definitely broken. 

"Well, I've lost it all, I'm just a silhouette
I'm a lifeless face that you'll soon forget
And my eyes are damp from the words you left
Ringing in my head, when you broke my chest
Ringing in my head, when you broke my chest..."

What happened all those years ago wasn't intentional but it sure as hell broke me. I crashed broken and splintered against the cliffside, that's for sure. 

"And if you're in love, then you are the lucky one
'Cause most of us are bitter over someone
Setting fire to our insides for fun
To distract our hearts from ever missing them
But I'm forever missing him..."

I knew I'd be forever missing him. For the rest of my life. 

As the song ended, I broke down against the marley, my body racking with sobs. I might not have been setting fire to my insides, but I had been slowly setting fire to the bridges to everyone I knew. Or knew me, I guess. I'm not who I used to be.

And I don't even know me anymore.

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i said there'd be angst

love you all lots!