Before We Fall

Part 1, Chapter 38

T.W- Mention of EDs

Alivia's POV

Three days and too many psych evals later, I was finally discharged. The diagnostic sheet I was handed by an unfeeling psychiatrist confirmed my suspicions as well as formally diagnosed me with anorexia and bulimia.

Sky had offered to drive me back to the hotel, and I didn't really have much of a choice.

"Does Calhoun know everything?"

"Pretty much. He was the one who suggested-- well, more required, I guess --I take time off the tour. You two are about the only people that know. Cassie called the other day since you had the brilliant idea of stealing my phone and telling her-"

"Sorry."

"-But I just told her I had overworked myself."

"Alright. I was only asking because he reached out to me about the whole situation."

"What did he say?"

"Well, we talked for a while, so I'll give you the gist. I don't have a roommate at the moment, so you're my roommate now."

I whipped my head around to stare at him, sending an arrow of heat down the side of my neck. "We're what?"

"You heard me." He moved his hand to switch on his turn signal, not taking his eyes off the road. "Liv, darling, you mean the world to me, but to be perfectly frank, I don't trust you anymore." I looked down at my lap, my face heating up. "When we get to the hotel, stop by your room to get your things, then come to mine."

"I'm sorry," I whispered, my voice breaking.

"I know you are, baby. I know." 

But he didn't forgive me. I wouldn't either. 

Sky helped me move all my things from my hotel room to his. Or ours, I guess. Stephanie just about tackled me the second I walked into her room, bombarding me with questions. I assured her I was okay, explaining the new room situation with as few details pertaining to my mental and physical state as possible.

Eventually, all of my belongings had migrated to his room, I saw a few castmates in the hallway, but I avoided eye contact and nobody said anything.

"It's getting late," Sky said. "Do you want to shower?" I nodded, going to grab a few things from my suitcase. But before I could he grabbed my hand and pulled me back. "I really am sorry that it had to end up like this."

"I'm sorry too." 

Sky's POV

After she had showered, Alivia curled up beneath a mountain of blankets. I crouched down in front of her, brushing damp hair away from her face.

"How are you feeling?" I asked.

"Like shit."

"Yeah, that checks out." I ran my fingers through my hair. "Not to be too blunt, but, want to cuddle?"

She laughed lightly. "Sure." 

I slid under the sheets and wrapped my arms around Alivia, pulling her into my chest and resting my chin on her shoulder. She feels so thin, so sick, in my arms, and I hate that it took almost losing her for good to notice something was wrong. 

Alivia Newman is one of the strongest people I know, and there's very little she could do to change that. But in the darkness of her hotel room, almost everything I know about her seems to fade. In my arms, she seems fragile and delicate, like she could shatter like glass if I hold on too tight. 

But now I've got her, here and safe in my arms, and I'm never letting go. 

"I love you."

As soon as I said it, I panicked. I'm so stupid. Of course, she wouldn't feel the same way.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what I was thinking-"

She shifted to face me, cradling my cheek in her hand and gently kissing me. "Relax. I love you too."

"Sorry, I didn't quite hear you, what was that?"

She smiled, kissing me again. "I love you, Sky Flaherty. I love you." She nestled her face into the crook of my neck. "I love you."

Maybe this is it. Maybe this is the best my life will ever be. Maybe it's all uphill from here, or it'll take a turn straight downhill. Maybe she'll be the one for me for the rest of my life. Maybe we'll splinter against the cliffside in two weeks. But before we fall to pieces, I'm choosing to take in the moment.

I slid my arm around her waist, pulling her further into my side. I've said it before and I'll say it again, but this time, I'll welcome it with open arms instead of running away. I'm yours, Alivia Newman. Completely, totally, hopelessly, and utterly yours.

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"before we fall to pieces" roll credits

also does this count as hurt/comfort 

love you all lots!