Before We Fall

Part 1, Chapter 36

T.W- Discussion of EDs, description of hospital

Nearly seven hours had passed since Alivia was admitted into the hospital, and she still hadn't woken up. It was terrifying, really, seeing her frail frame hooked up to endless machines. A patch to monitor her heart rate. An IV to rehydrate her body. About a hundred others I didn't know the name of. I had refused to leave her side the entire time, and since we were hundreds of miles away from the closest thing she had to family, the doctors let me stay with her despite me not being an immediate family member. I adjusted my grip on her hand, pale and thin.

My phone buzzed for about the thousandth time that night. Everyone in the show had been texting me incessantly all night, even those who didn't really know her. I had barely responded to anyone, just a simple "I'll keep you posted" to most people while being too tired and scared for her to bother responding again. It's not like anything new had happened, anyway.

Josh called me. I knew I had to answer, or else he'd never leave me alone.

"I told you, I'd let you know if something happened. Why are you still awake? It's, like, almost three in the morning." I let go of Alivia, standing and crossing the room.

"I could ask you the same thing."

"I don't know, maybe I'm still awake because the person that matters the most to me in the entire world collapsed nearly seven hours ago and has shown no signs of waking. How's your day going?"

"Do you need anything?"

"All I need is confirmation that she's okay and about a year of sleep. But I'm not sleeping until I know she's okay, so nothing right now."

"Okay, let me know if-"

"Sky?" Alivia croaked from behind me. I turned around, hanging up on Josh and diving to sit next to her.

"How are you feeling? No, that's a dumb question, the answer's obvious. Do you need anything? God, I was so worried about you-"

"Sky." She cut me off, cradling my cheek with her hand. "You look like hell. Calm down a little." I laughed lightly, lifting her hand away from my face and pressing a kiss to her knuckles.

"I was so worried about you," I whispered into her hand. 

"You don't need to be."

"Liv, darling, with all due respect, you collapsed and were out for seven hours. I'm allowed to be worried about you."

Her eyes widened as she sat up. "I've been out for that long? I don't- What do I-"

I gently pushed her back, running my fingers through her hair. "Relax."

"How can I relax? Calhoun's gonna kill me-"

"No, he isn't. This wasn't your fault."

"But it was." 

Confusion crossed my expression, and Alivia turned away in shame while I tried to decode whatever she just said. "Liv, what you talking about?"

"This was my fault."

I gently placed a hand on her shoulder. "Liv, please talk to me."

She rolled back over but refused to face me as she spoke. "After my fight with Cassie, I- I thought if I changed then she'd like me again. That night, after you left, I made myself sick. I stopped eating. And when I did, which wasn't often, I made myself sick again." She wiped away the tears that had escaped down her cheeks. "And it worked! She apologized the same day I noticed a physical change, so I kept doing it, and now..." She trailed off, burying her face in her hands. 

"Oh, Liv..." I was crying as well, feeling like an idiot again because this still wasn't about me. "Why didn't you tell me? Or anyone?"

"Because if you knew, then you'd try to stop me, and I would have never made amends with Cassie..." she buried her face in her hands again. "Maybe we should break up."

My head shot up, and I glanced over at her. "What? Why?"

"Because... because of this! Because you don't deserve this. Because I'm hurting you with this."

"Liv, when I let you kiss me in the auditorium, and when I first called you my girlfriend, I signed up to stay with you through hardship. You're only hurting me because you're hurting, and knowing you're hurt hurts me because I care about you too much to not. 

We both fell silent for a moment, trying to process everything that had just been said. Finally, Alivia broke the lingering silence that hung throughout the room.

"Come sleep with me," she said, scooting over in the already small hospital bed.

My face flushed. "I'm sorry, what?"

She rolled her eyes. "Shut up, not like that. God knows you need some sleep."

So, in the most innocent sense of the term, we slept together. She nestled under the crook of my arm and dozed off quickly. Personally, the adrenaline still coursing through my veins was going strong and preventing me from sleeping. I pulled my phone back out of my pocket to apologize to Josh for hanging up on him.

Joshy B

So you gonna explain why 
you felt the need to hang 
up like that 

Skybelle answer me 

Pick up the phone I swear 

Wait did something happen? 

Are you okay? 

Please tell me everything's 
fine 

Respond when you can 

Everything's okay, she just
 woke up in the middle of our
 call and that was more
 important

Wow

Glad to know where your 
priorities lie

 Glad we're on the same page

 But yeah everything's fine

  She fell back asleep, and I'm
 trying to fall asleep but the
 sheer adrenaline in my body is
 making that a bit difficult

Well I'll leave you alone for
now

Glad she's okay

Me too.

I shut my phone off and set it aside, before kissing the top of Alivia's head.

"I love you."

<><><>

 sleep-deprived angst is my fave 

love you all lots!