R: Laksh you know what? You're always trying to hide to hide you're emotions, whereas I know what you're going through!
L: Bhaiyya! If you know my emotions why do you want to hear it by me?!!
R: you know what needless to say you always hide them.
L: Bhaiyya! Answer my question!! If u know my emotions why do need to hear it?....
R: I'm not going to talk to you laksh....it's like you never feel comfortable to share you're emotions since the first year of vanvas
L: Bhaiyya.....
Ram stormed off before lakshman could speak anything.
L: Bhaiyya wait!
Ram went to his personal cottage and shut the door furiously, laksman called out to him many times but seeing not opening the door he stops calling and leaves. He sat on a rock with his head in his hands he sobbed lightly, hanuman sees this and moves to lakshman.
H: Lakshman bhaiyya?
Lakshman immediately wiped his tears and put up a fake smile.
L: yes...yes..what happened?...hanuman?
H: Lakshman bhaiyya you were sobbing
L: No..no..me...no...
H: Bhaiyya you know you can't hide emotions from me
L: Ram bhaiyya isn't talking to me
H: why?
L: simply because I don't share my emotions with him...
H: Why don't you? I've always seen you being the emotional anchor for prabhu but what about you're emotions why don't you share them with anyone?
L: You know why I don't share my emotions with any one? You want to know right? So listen! I don't share my emotions with anyone because I don't want my emotions be a burden on anyone! Especially ram bhaiyya, he's suffering a seperation from his other half! I know how painful it is, I myself suffer a seperation from my wife, urmila, and I know how you feel when you bottle up you're emotions that is why I don't share them with anyone except the log of wood.
H: Log of wood?
L: Come behind me
Lakshman led hanuman to an area where there was a lot with many marks like someone has removed his anger on it.
L: wood log..
Hanuman nodded at him.
L: Let's go back...
H: Yes
Lakshman and hanuman came back to their camp.
L: I don't want my emotions to be a burden, that's why I don't share my emotions with anyone.
Ram was listening to this silently, by now he had tears in his eyes, lakshman had never shared this thought with anyone not even ram himself. He felt really bad for what he had said to lakshman earlier.
R: Laksh?
Lakshman turned back in a frenzy.
L: Bhaiyya... Sorry... I'm... I'm... Sorry I know I've hurt you but...
R: It's ok lakshman! Come here
Ram spread his hands wide, lakshman hugged him tightly.
R: You know you're emotions aren't a burden on me laksh!
L: So you heard that?
R: Yes...
Lakshman let out a wary sigh.
R: Laksh you know?
L: What bhaiyya?
R: You can pour out you're emotions now....
L: Bhaiyya not again! If I open them, I'll not be able to close the box of emotions again.
R: Don't worry it won't be needed laksh, I already know what you're going through. Pour them out of else you'll not be able to open it to anyone laksh.....
L: It's me....it's me...because of whom...whom you're needing to bear...this...this painful seperation.....it's me...bhaiyya....I don't.....I don't know how you bear to see my face even when I've done something like this....
R: Laksh? You had these many dark thoughts about yourself? This is not my brother I've known since birth.. you sound so weak as if this emotional turmoil has been going in you're mind since that day when sita was abducted. Laksh you've always taken care of me, physically and mentally while you, yourself is going through a storm of emotions.
L: It..it...was my job....to take care of you....even if I'm uncomfortable....
R: Ohh laksh! Sometimes stop thinking about me and think about yourself too!
Lakshman's heart had finally allowed him to pour out the emotions to ram, his eyes started to tear up as he sobbed letting the pain out.
R: laksh you're not at fault it isn't you're fault, it was me...if I wouldn't have left sita that day..
L: This is exactly why I feel guilty bhaiyya! It was my fault! It will always be!
R: Stop it laksh! You're not at fault if you blame yourself I'll be really upset now...
L: how am I not at fault bhaiyya?!! I came here to protect you and bhabhi! But..but I couldn't even do that! Ohh god! Why am I so useless!!
R: Laksh! Stop it! Why are you always blaming yourself and you do something wrong?!!
L: Bhaiyya how much ever you say I'm not ab!e to stop blaming myself for my bhabhis abduction.
Yep!! Thanks to Ramayana_lover she helped me a lot writing this chapter!! Thank you so much for the help🙏💟💖
