Daylight

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NINE DAYS. NINE DAYS have gone by without a single word with Sebastian. I didn't think it was possible for me to go a single day without speaking to him, let alone nine. It feels like one hundred, honestly, though each hour does hurt microscopically less than the prior one. It hasn't been easy, not even close to that.

I know I'm the one who left, the one who walked away, the one who is ignoring his texts and calls. I feel so lost without him. I feel lost without his witty comments. Lost without his crude remarks. Lost without his assurance and his confidence. Lost without the way he'd squeeze my hand three times. Lost without the way he'd smile at me when he thought I wasn't looking. I don't want to be lost without him. I want to be strong.

Life is back to how it used to be before Sebastian. I bury myself into work until I feel numb and forget. My phone rings again and it's not Sebastian.

"Hey."

"Oh darling I'm sorry." Kimberly's voice brings peace to my mind.

"What?"

"I just landed in London and Emma told me what happened that night. I'm sorry for shouting at you that day. You must have been feeling shit."

"Please don't apologize. It's fine. Everything is fine."

"Bella you got into a fight! Things are NOT fine!"

"Too bad you missed it, I did some damage." I joke, reminiscing the way I climbed onto Clara.

"Bella... Please..."

"Don't blame me. Love made me crazy."

Kimberly sighs and stays quiet. So I continue, "It's all fun and games until someone loses their mind."

"What are you talking about? Sebastian is in love with you! You can't keep doing this. Every time love comes your way you just run away."

"I'm not running away. I'm just letting go of what doesn't belong to me."

Kimberly grunts and I can already imagine her rolling her eyes. "What are you talking about?"

"Emelia. She is the reason why Sebastian came back. It all makes sense now. She is the one."

"Oh my god."

"Yeah. Oh my god."

Kimberly takes in a deep breath before saying, "No Bella! Oh my god! Emelia is why you ran away? Oh my god! Bella!"

"What?" I scream back, her tone is starting to worry me.

"Emelia is already MARRIED for fuck sakes! Oh my god! Bella what the fuck!"

I feel the air disappear from my lungs. I feel the goosebumps crawl up the back of my neck.

"Bella?"

"Yeah."

"Are you okay?"

"I don't know," I admit. Tears of joy, confusion, anger, frustration pour out of me. Emelia is married. I just spent nine days crying and sulking because of a misunderstanding.

"Will you come back now?" she asks carefully.

"Maybe."

"Please come back, everyone misses you. Especially Sebastian who has been worried sick about you over the past few days! He's been calling Emma and I by the hour asking for updates on you!"

"Really?" I smile for the first time in nine days.

"Yes! Now get your ass back here and give this man a well-deserved kiss! He deserves more than a kiss damn it!" she giggles and I throw my head back laughing.

Since the phone call with Kimberly, I haven't been able to stop giggling. Lying in this hotel bed staring up at the ceiling reminds me of the first night I slept with Sebastian in Mersea Island. I've been sleeping a lot since developing feelings for Sebastian because in my dreams is where he's with me. In my dreams is where we'll be everything I want us to be.

A dark thought comes creeping into my mind. Is Sebastian able to sleep at all?

The sound of my phone ringing disrupts my thoughts and I struggle to find my phone on the bedside table without the light on.

I pick up the call without looking at the caller ID, "Hello?"

A short gasp on the other end then, "Bel?" I bring my hand to my mouth, it's Sebastian.

"Hey."

"Bel, I can't sleep." he croaks.

"I'm sorry."

"When are you coming back?"

"Soon."

"You will never have to be alone. That's all you need to know okay?"

"Yeah, I know." I cover my mouth so he won't hear my muffled cries.

"I'll leave the light on."

"Okay."

"I'll wait," he says and ends the call.