Daylight

44 Miscommunication

I WALK INTO a converted warehouse. Brick walls, dark wood floors, white ceilings and white pipework. It's airy and modern, and there are several people wandering across the gallery floor, drinking wine and lounging in the seating area. For a moment, my troubles melt away as I grasp that Mia has finally realised her dream.

I notice a couple nodding at me, smiling broadly as if they know me. Another young girl has her hand over her mouth whilst a man is just blatantly staring. Weird.

I turn the corner, and I see why I've been getting strange looks. Me: pouting, laughing, scowling, serious, amused. All in super close up.

Holy shit! I remember Mia taking pictures of me when we were exploring Mersea Island but I thought the photos were for the magazine only. Not to be displayed in a gallery.

I walk down the hallway and small framed photographs of me cover the wall.

In it, I stand with my back to the camera walking up the stairs. There are probably more than thirty pictures. All different sizes, artfully tiered and layered across the simple cream paint.

Me reading on the sofa. Me taking a nap under the sun. Me looking out to the beach in Mersea Island.

These photos weren't taken by Mia. It was taken by Sebastian. These photos were taken before we started dating. Just like me, he was keeping a record of us before there was even an us. Maybe, just maybe he was afraid to lose me as much as I was afraid to lose him.

I turn around, realising that I messed up, hugely. I'm confronted with black printed letters on the white wall, it reads: We all knew he liked her long before he told anyone. Maybe even before he knew himself. We could see it in his eyes, the way he looked at her. It was obvious even to us, as young as we were, that that sparkle in his eyes when she spoke was the kind you wait your whole life for. We may have laughed and teased them, but inside I know we were all hoping someone, someday, might look at us like that too.

On the right is a continuous row of photos arranged side by side with the same printed letters written in between each photo like a timeline.

The first picture is of Sebastian and I standing in the backyard of his house on Mersea Island. I remember that exact moment, we were having an argument about him tackling the journalist who kissed me. Under the photo is a piece of paper that reads: He lived his life for himself and then it shifted, it became much more than waking up and going to sleep. She gave him everything he never knew that he needed. For the first time, he had something to lose.

I keep walking and the next picture is Sebastian and I playing chess. It was taken on the same day after we made up. Mia must have taken photos of us without realising that day. The note reads: That's when he knew. That moment was when he knew that he wanted to spend his life with her, that his life would be meaningless and empty without the light that she brings into it. She gave him hope. She made him feel as if maybe, just maybe, he could be more than his past.

As I keep walking, reading through the notes, the memories start. Photos taken in Mersea Island ends but ones taken from our alumni reunion starts. One photo stops me at my tracks, Sebastian and I stand far away from each other. It reads: They stood there pretending to just be friends when all the while everyone in the room could plainly see that they were only existing for each other.

A photo taken after my fight in the alumni gathering, Sebastian holding me in his arms. It reads: He looks at her like she's the best thing that ever happened to him. She looks at him with fear in her eyes, like he could walk out at any moment. The look where you're afraid to lose someone you love. But if only she could see the way he looks at her. Losing her would mean he losing his whole world.