Rough Edges | The Outsiders

Chapter 13

TW: Suicide
   
Soda? Soda! Owen.. Soda? 911. 911! 911 911! Sodapop. SODAPOP! Owen? No. No no no no no no no no NO!

I stood there limply, staring down at the puke on the floor. I was dizzy and sick to the stomach. As soon as the door flew open, I couldn't take it, everything came up from the last two days. I looked over to Sodapop, my entire body trembling. He had his switch blade and cut the rope that wrapped tightly around Owen's neck.

I couldn't notice any of my tears. I was numb to the bone, it hadn't really hit me that Owen was completely gone. Gone for good. Never to come back. Soda laid Owen'sbody on his bed, I could tell Soda wanted to puke, I wouldn't have touched his dead body. I didn't know how Soda did it.

"He'll be ok" Soda said, laying a hand over my shoulder.

"Shut up Soda" He was silent until the ambulances came. I leaned against the wall, Soda talked to the paramedics. They tried talking to me. I gave out a sad grunt, they didn't bother me much more.

My parents had no care for Owen passing. Well my mom had no care, my dad wouldn't shut up with his tears. My mom was slightly glad Owen was finally gone. She disgusted me, more than Owen's cold, blue, gray, dead, dangling body.

Mom never really liked Owen or I, she always had hatred for me. Maybe because I was against being a perfect girl in a perfect Barbie world. Thinking about it now, I did live in a perfect Barbie world, no one died, everyday I was happy, I gossiped and laughed, made friends and had an amazing life, I just didn't necessarily like my mother. I wish I still lived in that Barbie world. Maybe I do. Maybe people go through this and worse, people wish they would have my life. I am a barbie. I am plain, no different from any girl and I'm only happy with no other emotions. I hide my feelings under a smile, because of my mom.

I was my mother's fantasy child.

I sat down at my brother's desk and flipped through his books and work. He always wanted to be a clothing designer, I thought that was cute. He made amazing drawings of clothes, ones that I would buy. He wouldn't tell anyone, because boys have to be boys, they can't have a job that's considered girly. At least it is in my mom's world.

I found a little note on his desk, it was in an envelope labelled DO NOT OPEN PLEASE, Unless it is Laura. I smiled slightly, we were close. We were best friends. I opened up the envelope and pulled out the note. It read:

Dear Laura,

I miss you, you haven't been around. Mom is pissed that you moved in with Dallas Winston. I think that's kind of cool. The Dallas Winston. He's scary and tough, how would you fit in with him?

Right now, I'm dead, aren't I. I needed to die. I couldn't take it any longer. I couldn't take this house, mom, poppy, grandma. No one, I wanted you around again. I wanted to hug you and tell you how I felt. But you left and never showed. I miss you Laura, I'll always watch you.

So, Poppy got a boyfriend. Ponyboy Curtis.

He's the reason this happened. No. Poppy's the reason this happened. I've liked Ponyboy since day 1. I loved Ponyboy, I love Ponyboy. I'm gay, Laura. I am. I am. I want you to understand. I couldn't take Poppy and Pony. I wished it was Me and Pony. I killed myself because I'm a disgrace, because I'm a cast out gay boy. Hiding myself is scary, Life just wasn't worth living, being like this. Mom would have shot me, I wouldn't have been thrown to the streets, I would have been put in an orphanage, no one would want me and the city people would burn me like they did to all the witches.

I'm sorry, Laura. I love you.
Owen

(P.S. piss off mom for me)

I ran my finger along the writing of the paper. Owen wasn't a disgrace, so many people love him. He could've lived with Aunt Marie.

"I'll show you who the disgrace of the family is" I giggled.