The Beanie

Chapter 19

"Shhh don't do that! She's still sleeping, I told you already that nothing happened and it's not what it looked like!" I was abruptly awoken by the sounds of extreme whispering mixed with hissing. I snuggled closer into my pillow keeping my eyes closed, in hope that sleep would take me under again. "Look I saw what I saw and so did Alex!" Nope. My eyes shot open immediately at the mention of that name. Taking whoever they were by surprise when I spoke up with a clearer voice then expected, "what are you talking about?"

I rose from my position so I was sitting up staring ahead at Ray and, Ash..? Well he came 2 days earlier then expected, which isn't like him. Ray averted his eyes to the ground and rubbed the back of his neck, a nervous habit of his. Meanwhile, Ash on the other hand, was shooting daggers at me with his eyes raging with a new shade of colour. What did I do, I legit only woke up?!

"What the fuck Raven?! You're away from Alex for less then a day and already you are getting comfy enough with another guy to kiss and sleep with him?!" Venom dripping from every word spoken and the rage still bubbling inside of him. "WHAT?! First of all, I am NOT getting 'COMFY' with anyone! Secondly, you know Ray, you know that we are like siblings! Last night we just fell asleep together and hugged! We never kissed either! What the fuck do you take me as?! As for Alex, he's not even here! So how does he instantly make stupid assumptions about everything?! Plus what would it matter anyway, we aren't a couple Ash..." It may be early but everyone knows I'm not a morning person so he was obviously going to get yelled at. If he weren't so far away I probably would of already snapped him in half for saying anything like that and making me furious.

"Oh yeah! Then explain the pictures of you both being so close and KISSING! Aye Raven?! Explain that! And it matters because Alex and I saw the photos and it didn't even take 5mins before he got pissed off and smashed a fucking hole in the wall! It matters, because Alex loves you... You know that, he's told you multiple times and everything, but you don't feel the same Rave. It's killing him..." By the end of his rant my facial expression softened and I just sat there thinking about him. I replied in a calm tone, "Amelia took the picture of us at the airport because she didn't want to 'ruin our reunion' and was at the wrong angle. Ray told me a story about how he embarrassed himself on a date and it made me laugh to the point I was crying. For whatever reason, Ray kissed my cheek and that's what was happening in the photo..." I looked Ash dead in the eye so he could tell how serious I am about this and that I wasn't lying through my teeth. I then continued in the same tone of voice, "I know he loves me... I know he's told me more them once. But I'm not in love... I admit I feel something for Alex, enough to say I like him but I do not love. I never meant to hurt him though..."

~

This morning was hectic. After a bit more talking, awkward moments and agreement that Ash would ring Alex to tell him their misunderstanding, I finally escaped into my room. Starring at it in awe I traced my hand over the gorgeous wardrobe, it was a red cedar wood with the most amazing carvings I've ever seen. My hand found it's way onto the small metal handle, I twisted it ever so carefully to reveal my clothes. I stared at the colours hung inside, I didn't know what to wear. Looking over my shoulder, I peered out the window taking in how it seemed quite chilly. Turning my attention back to the hanging fabrics, I smile spread across my face.

I threw my pjs across the room as I wiggled into a pair of black skinny jeans, once I buttoned them up a long sleeved Gir shirt was thrown on. I bent down and slipped on my new dark red doc martins. I applied a bit of eyeliner and mascara, shook my head like a dog until my hair was in my place and like always, I wore the beanie. I really just need to go out and clear my head.

"I'm going out! If anyone needs me, I've got my phone!" I called out to anyone and everyone in the house who might of heard me. Closing the front door I trotted along the path until I reached the main road. Geesh it's so busy in London. Cars and people everywhere. I patiently waited for the lights to then red so I could cross over. When they finally did, I kept my head down and tugged on my beanie since the cold wind was nipping at my cheeks.

~

After I had a look around at the shops and beach nearby, I found myself waiting in a cue to pick up my order. I ordered myself a hot white chocolate, on a day like this it sounds perfect. "Number 12, a medium takeaway hot white chocolate" a young blonde lady sang from on the other side of the counter. I smiled at her in appreciation and gratitude before leaving the small café sipping at my warm beverage basically every second. Alex always made his special hot chocolate when it was cold...

No. I shook my head to rid him from my thoughts. Now what else could I do..? I stand still and scan around searching for something, anything. My eyes landed on a tall figure down the street. Messy black hair, lip piercing with a PTV tank-top and jeans. Alex? I sped up my walking pace towards him until I was 5m away. He looked up, but those eyes were a muddy brown... It wasn't Alex, I was imagining things... We shared a shy smile each as I continued ahead. I could of sworn that was Alex though..! Looking over my shoulder again to catch a glimpse of the guy, but I spotted him with a girl who had long straight black hair and dressed similar to him. He caught her when she jumped into his embrace and kissed, they looked so sweet and happy...

This whole time I've been wandering around, theres been multiple things that make me think of Alex... The beanie was definitely not helping the situation either, his scent lingered in the air following me around. I needed a better distraction, as if on cue my phone begins to ring.

"Hello?" "Raven I tried, I really tried to convince him that it's not what it looks like in the photo but he's telling me that's bullshit. Alex isn't listening and insists that you did kiss him. I don't know if you've noticed or not though, but Alex gets crazy jealous..." Ash's voice rambled on through the phone. I let out an annoyed sigh before replying, "I only notice that now... What do you want me to do though! If he won't believe the truth then that's his own stupid problem" my voice turning into grumbles. "Alex said he wanted to 'drink away his sorrows'... I dont know if you think of that as nothing or not, but Rave that's not good! This is between you and him" "Oh so this is all my fault! Yeah ok sure, we'll just dump all of his shit on me. The one who didn't know a guy liked me until he said 'I love you', the one who didn't know she was apart of this drama in the first place! Yeah seems only fair we dump all the blame on her..!" "Ra-" before anything I hung up.

I stormed towards the busy main road again in complete anger. Alex thinks he can do that?! Huh?! Well that BASTARD knows not to start something he can't finish! He has been driving me mad since I've began to like him! He made me get this stupid warm feeling in my stomach, the feelings that I couldn't name. I waved down a taxi and told him where to go and to step on it! Poor guy didn't do anything wrong but too bad! The anger was boiling up side of me and the quicker I get there the better. Stupid Alex and his stupid face, his stupid perfect face! And h- "Mam we're here, that's be $20" Was I really thinking for 10mins? I gave him the money and slammed the door closed with force.

Once again storming away and inside the building. He wants to do it his way, then FINE!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Raging Raven at 4o'clock!!!! X3 Where do you think she is? What's the building? And what is going to happen with Alex? Are her feelings actually changing?

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~Hanna