ANIMALS [Mitch Grassi fanfiction]

27

He was woken up by the doorbell ringing. Outside was dark already, he noticed as he glanced out the window. He had no idea what time it was. The bell rang again, and he froze. The worst scenarios appeared in his mind, so he even held his breath while trying to think and ignore his heart pounding.

Then he heard his phone buzzling. Beau's name appeared on the screen. Mitch collected all his strength to push the green button and accept the call.
"God, finally... I called you like one hundred times! Are you at home? Cause I'm standing by your door but no lights are on," Beau gabbled. His voice was nervous.
"Yeah, I'm here. Give me a second," Mitch answered. He ended the call and dropped the phone on the couch.

He needed some breaths to calm himself. It was only Beau. What was he doing there?!

He wrapped a blanket around his shoulder again and switched the lights on. On his way to the front door he quickly checked himself in the mirror: the dark circles never disappeared but at least he didn't look like he had been crying.

He slowly turned the key in the lock and pulled the door open, revealing Beau's tall figure in the doorway. He stepped inside but he didn't reach out to hug Mitch like he used to. He didn't even take his leather jacket off. Mitch sent him a questioning look.
"We have to talk." His boyfriend's face was serious. Mitch felt a knot in his stomach.
"About what?" he asked quietly. Though he thought he knew what Beau wanted to clear out, acting clueless felt easier.
"About us."

Mitch was heartbroken. Just by looking into Beau's eyes he saw that he was, too.

"I don't wanna bother you needlessly." Beau looked down at his hands. He was fidgeting with the car keys and seeing him uncomfortable made Mitch uneasy. "You don't want me around anymore. I think I got it now. You're always cancelling our time together, you're not picking up the phone, you barely even text me... Look, I'm sorry for what I've done to you. For never believing you until it was too late." He finally looked up, staring right into Mitch's eyes. "I just wanted to say that- that I-" His voice quivered, and Mitch's heart sank. "I just wanted to say that I'm not here to hold you back. I think leaving is the best choice you can make anyway. I clearly can't make you happy anymore."

Mitch felt like his whole world was about to crash down. He wanted distance so badly- Now he was going to get it. Why did it hurt so much?

Before he even knew, a sob escaped his lips. Beau's eyes shimmered with sadness. Weeks ago, he would've hugged Mitch. He would've embraced him and held him strong until Mitch stopped crying. Now he stayed motionless and Mitch knew it was his own fault.
"I'm so sorry," he forced out. "I didn't wanna make you feel like you're not enough."
Beau was silent. Mitch couldn't decide if he was crying, too. "It's not your fault, I promise. It's just-"

-that I'm scared of you, he wanted to say. I'm sorry that I'm so ruined and can't get myself together. I wanna feel comfortable around you, I really do, but getting physical terrifies me. I don't wanna leave you, I promise. Yet nothing came out of his mouth. He wanted to explain Beau how he felt, and that he didn't mean to act like he was trying to shake him off. He wished he could tell him how terrified he was. He didn't know why he couldn't stand being touched the way he adored before.

He wanted to tell Beau that he still loved him.

Beau nodded like he understood Mitch's silence. He took a shaky breath, running his fingers through his hair.
"I guess- that's it, then. You don't have to find an excuse. I just hope you're gonna be fine, eventually. Goodbye, Mitch." He was crying. Mitch heard him sniffling as he stepped outside.

He should've told Beau he loved him.

***

"Mitch, what are you saying? I can't make out a word." Scott's voice sounded perplexed through the phone. The tenor heard Mark asking something in the background, though he couldn't understand what he said.

After Beau left, Mitch called Scott sobbing like probably never before. He didn't even know what he wanted to tell his friend or what he expected to hear, he just dialed Scott's number automatically, desperate for comfort.

"I'm coming over, alright? Can you hold on for like... twenty minutes? I don't think I can get there faster but I'm leaving now. Do you want me to stay on the phone with you?" Scott rambled, and Mitch heard him messing with some keys in the background.
"I'll- I'll be f-fine," he choked out finally, though it didn't sound too convincing and he wasn't sure himself either. He didn't want Scott drive on the dark streets while his mind was at understanding what Mitch was trying to tell him.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"Call me back if you change your mind, my phone is right here, okay?"

After they hung up the call, Mitch curled up on the sofa. His chest was aching so bad, he felt like he was dying. Beau was gone. He was out of Mitch's life. The only person Mitch loved and trusted enough to show publicly. All those guys came and went, but Beau stayed, quickly becoming Mitch's anchor- And now he was gone, too. Mitch couldn't show Beau how important he was for him. He let him go without even saying he loved him.

Twenty minutes passed, then thirty. Mitch stopped counting the time. His sobs eventually calmed, and he found himself drifting off when the loud banging on the door shook him awake. It was Scott.
"Sorry that it took so long. There was a car accident not so far away on the high street, and- Anyway, I'm here." Scott kicked off his shoes, while Mitch processed the information.
"What did the car look like?" he asked quietly.
"Mitch, I don't wanna upset you even-" Scott looked up, but he was interrupted.
"Just answer my question."
Scott gulped. "A gray jeep."

It felt like the ground was cut from under Mitch's feet.

"Mitch, calm down. You told me Beau wasn't-"
"He'd been here an hour ago!" Mitch yelled before Scott could continue.

Silence.

"Fuck."
"It couldn't be him. It couldn't be him," Mitch wheezed, his pupils dilated in fear. He didn't even notice he was scratching his own skin until Scott grabbed his wrists.
"Sit down, okay? Lots of people have gray jeeps and the high street is always busy, even around nighttime. There is a huge change it wasn't Beau's car," the blonde pronounced, his voice firmer than it was before.

Mitch looked like he didn't hear a word Scott was saying. He stared at Scott, but his gaze was unfocused and distant.
"I didn't even tell him I loved him. I let him walk out the door," he whispered. "I let him walk out."
He broke down. Scott scooped him up and held him close to his chest as Mitch cried. The room felt airless. The pictures on the wall were staring down at them with pity and bitterness. It almost sounded like they were talking to Mitch, telling him how vicious he was. He let Beau die. He killed him. The walls were closing in. Mitch wasn't sure his heart would make another beat.

Scott's phone rang somewhere is the distance. Mitch couldn't detect where it came from, but Scott answered the call. Just by the silence following it, Mitch knew.

It was Beau's car.

A/N
Whoops, this was short.