ANIMALS [Mitch Grassi fanfiction]

13

 "You could bring a bottle of water. Don't worry, I'm sure he's going to wake up soon."
"Shall we take him to the hospital?"
"No, he's going to be alright. He just needs some rest."

It took Mitch a while until he realized who was speaking. Kevin was close to him, Scott a little bit further away. Mitch felt weirdly numb and he knew that something has happened but at that moment couldn't remember what exactly. The room he couldn't recognize was half-lighted and warm. He needed to know where he was.
"Hey, you're awake," Kevin said but Mitch didn't focus on him until he tried to sit up and the beatboxer softly pushed him back. "Don't move yet, please. You might pass out again and we don't want that, right? Scott, water bottle?"
"There you go." The baritone's expression was worried. Kevin took the drink from his hand. He sent a calm smile to his bandmate and Scott tried to return it but he was clearly nervous.

After a couple of minutes Mitch nearly fell back asleep. He felt so exhausted, almost unable to keep his eyes open. Kevin saw it, so he was back in action.
"Now sit up a little bit, okay? You should drink some water and eat." He didn't wait for Mitch's answer, he helped him up anyway.

Now Mitch could see that they were in the tour bus. Kirstie and Matt were sitting on the floor but staring at him. Mitch felt very awkward, he was sure that he was blushing. He accepted the water bottle and took a couple of sips to distract himself.
"Listen, we need to talk," Scott begun, and now everyone's look was at him. He cleared his throat. "I'm sorry that we've decided without you but each one of us agreed that it was necessary. We cancelled everything for the next month but we want you to see a specialist. This needs to stop, Mitchy."

Mitch nearly spat out the water. The band has been discussing about taking a small break because of him and they've completely left him out. It was probably Scott's idea. Mitch didn't understand why they kept it in a secret. Every decision made about the band was supposed to be made collectively. Mitch felt like he was stabbed in the back.

Moreover, the only specialist he needed was a policeman or a lawyer.

"You should've asked me first," he mumbled.
"Excuse me?! If you'd be responsible enough, you would've told us that you need a break so there would have been no need to act behind your back!"
"Scott!" Kirstie warned him with wide eyes.
The blonde took a sharp breath. "Right, I'm sorry for raising my voice. It's just so hard to watch you suffering, Mitchy. You're my best friend. You mean so much to me."
"Whatever," Mitch said. There was a suffocating lump in his throat and tears burned his eyes. He didn't care about Kevin wanting him to stay. He jumped up and rushed into the small bedroom of the tour bus, slamming the door a bit more loud than he was planning to.

That was it. He had enough. He buried his head into a pillow. He was furious. He felt failed. He was terrified. What were they expecting from him? He wasn't crazy but he couldn't talk anymore. He wasn't allowed.

Maybe it would've been better to actually take a lot of Xanax as Scott suspected. There was no other way out of this. If he'd tell them everything, his stalker is might going to kill him. Or even worse, he might kills Beau. Mitch was so terrified.

He literally felt the guy's hand on his neck again and he gasped for air. He heard the man's voice, he saw his eyes. Maybe he was going to go crazy. He was fighting for each breath but they didn't satisfy his lungs. He pulled his hair, chewed on his lips, tired everything to distract himself from the memories but it didn't work.

Even though the curtain of the bunk bed wasn't closed so he could see Scott walking into the room, he didn't notice him until the blonde sat on the edge of Mitch's mattress.
"Hey, it's okay," he whispered and reached to hold down Mitch's wrists, who tried to escape frantically. After some moments he finally looked into Scott's eyes and stopped fighting.
"I'm so sorry," he cried but didn't even know what he was apologizing for. Scott pulled him into a hug.
"You don't need to," he answered. He purposefully kept Mitch close to his chest so his friend couldn't see that Scott was crying, too.

***

After they arrived back to the hotel, Scott reluctantly led Mitch to Beau. The younger man knew everything already because Scott made sure of that. According to his plans he wanted to take all the responsibility from Mitch and let him rest, but for that he needed everyone to cooperate without Mitch knowing.

Mitch recognized that he was kind of babied in a way he wasn't used to but he was too weak to resist. As he was inside of the room, he immediately took a pill and cuddled Beau on their bed but as much as he tried, he couldn't fall asleep. Beau turned the lights down so the room was pitch-black. Mitch tried to focus on his presence: he sound of his heartbeat as Mitch was laying on his chest, his warm palms against Mitch's hips, his thumb drawing small circles on the exposed skin under his shirt and his calm breathing. Mitch buried his face into Beau's chest.
"Are you alright?" the boy murmured.
"Yeah, just can't sleep," Mitch answered. The medicine was slowly kicking in, numbing his racing thoughts.
"You had a crazy day, huh?" Beau sighed and pressed a small kiss on his forehead. Mitch smiled. He missed these kind of small ways of affection. He couldn't resist returning it on his boyfriend's shoulder who chuckled. "I love you."
"I love you more."

***

Thankfully they didn't use airplane for this trip. It was much calmer and cozy with the tour bus, only with the people Mitch knew and without annoying crying babies or turbulence during the flight. The difficult side of the tour bus was that if everyone joined them, they literally had no place. It was designed for the five members of Pentatonix. On the way there Mark, Ben, Leigh and Sarah were there but on the way back Beau joined them, too. Ten people instead of five, plus Floof.

Mitch knew that everyone was informed about the break and why it was needed but no one brought up the topic. Mitch felt like a huge disappointment. They needed to cancel interviews, studio work and a concert because of him. He didn't want that. He didn't want to balk the band and be left alone with his thoughts. He needed to stay buzzy in order to keep his sanity. In addition, the more he stayed in one place, the more likely it was that the stalker was going to harass him. Scott was packing in the bedroom which was a perfect opportunity for Mitch to talk with him.

He sneaked into the bedroom and closed the door. Scott raised his head and lifted his eyebrows in surprise. He saw on Mitch's face that he was up to something. "What's going on?"
"So about the break..." Mitch started, not knowing exactly what to reason with.
"Yeah?"
"I don't need it."
"Yes you do."
They stared at each other for long moments until Scott broke the silence and sighed. "Yes, you do need it, Mitch. Besides, we've already cancelled everything. We knew that you wouldn't want that but the first thing is always the health of the bandmates. Work comes only after that."
"Scott, for real... I don't need it," Mitch attempted again.
The baritone rolled his eyes and threw the shirt that was in his hand on the closest bed. "Do you want me to call a meeting with the band? Clearly everyone sees that you're not yourself lately. We're just worried about you, don't be so stubborn."

Little did they know that they were causing more harm with this than advantage. Mitch let out a frustrated huff. "You're ruining everything." He didn't even know why he said that. Maybe he was so desperate for change. When he saw the hurt on Scott's face, he knew that he ruined everything.
"I don't even recognize you," Scott said slowly after the heavy, suffocating silence that filled the room. "Do you even understand that I'm not trying to cause harm? I wish I could help you more, Mitchy, I really wish but after all you're the one not believing me."

Hearing that felt like a punch in the stomach. Scott was using his own words against him and it hurt. Of course Mitch understood that he didn't try to cause harm. The thing he didn't understand was that why didn't Scott realize when he was causing it anyway?