𝓦𝓮'𝓵𝓵 𝓑𝓮 𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓢𝓽𝓪𝓻𝓼 {𝓐.𝓓.𝓒 𝔁 𝓨𝓸𝓾}

seven >>> here

Dear Y/N,
      If you're reading this it means one of two things. One, Uncle Thomas found it and called you before I did something crazy. Or two he found it and I actually succeeded. Either way I'm sorry.
       If it's the second one (which I'm pretty sure it is) then I need to explain. I just hope you read this. I know you procrastinate when it comes to letters seeing how when our parents passed you took a couple days to read mother's. How long has it taken you to read this one? It doesn't matter... I know you'll read it when you're ready. And if that's now then it's now. I need you to promise me something though. Can you do that? Promise me that you won't be angry at me and don't be angry at yourself. Don't be upset for what I've done. Don't beat yourself up thinking of what you could have done to stop me or save me. There's nothing you could have done big sister. Trust there's nothing you could have done. You were everything to me sister. Everything. I looked up to you everyday, but I had my own struggles, my own battles. And I know you found out about those kids at school and how you said you handled it, but do you remember when I told you not to get involved? Maybe I should have... Maybe I should have talked to somebody about what was really going on in those halls. How teachers could care less about me, how kids wouldn't sit with me how they were hurt me in more ways than one... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. And yeah maybe you're questioning why that would push me over the edge. Maybe you're not. Either way, I think you can come to an assumption of what went down but at the end of the day you'll never really know and I don't need you to know Y/N.
      I know you're probably sitting there, getting angry and upset at my words. But I need you to know that you don't need too. I'm happy now. I'm with mom and dad. We're going to watch over you. You're doing amazing big sister! I loved watching you go big. Your writing was always captivating, always something I told you that needed to be shared, heard even if I was four at the time and you were eight. But I continued to tell you as we grew up and at the age of 19 you published your book Crumbling and it turned into a huge movie! You got to meet so many celebrities and even got to work with the Alycia Debnam-Carey. I remember when you told me you were going to be working with her. You looked so happy and you always do when you're with her. On the movie and in interviews. And don't lie but I know very well something's going on between you two. There's way too many chemistry for there not to be. Anyways... I don't want to make this way too long. But I need you to know I love you. I'll be looking over you, forever and always.
     Do this with me now... place your hand over your heart and take in a breathe, let it out slowly. You feel that? I'm right there with you.
     I love you big sister! Don't forget all our memories. Try and Live your life. Please do it for me. <3

Love,
Tina

I set the letter down feeling my whole body shake. My eyes close and I reach up my hands rubbing at my eyes feeling them wet. Tears were escaping and I couldn't control them from slipping down my cheeks. It's not till I feel Alycia's arms wrap around me and pull me towards her that I break down more than I have. And I hated it. I hated the fact that I was crying right now. I hated that Alycia had to see me so vulnerable. But I can't stop crying. As much and as badly as I wanted to I can't. And it hurts. It hurts so damn much. She's gone. My baby sister is gone at the age of 17. She left and I couldn't do anything. I couldn't hug her or be there for her. I couldn't talk to her. I couldn't do anything! And it hurts!

I should have been there. I could have been there. I know she was happy for me and for what I've accomplished but right now it feels like I haven't accomplished anything. All of this. From the book, to the movie, to the red carpet premiere, to interviews and press, to meeting fans. But in the back of my head I know I accomplished so much. Tina loved what I was doing.

Hums enter the room bringing me out of my thoughts. Slowly I pick up my head and meet Alycia's eyes. She looked worried, scared even looking back at me. But she continues to hum with her arms kept wrapped around me. A low sigh escapes my lips as I reach up my hands beginning to wipe them.

"Hey, hey, hey... Just let it all out Y/N," Alycia whispers, her humming stopping. I shake my head from side to side still wiping at my eyes. "Y/N, you can let the emotions out. Nobody else is here but you and I..."

"I-I can't Alycia-" I pause shaking my head from side to side, dropping my hands from my eyes. I turn my head slowly and lock eyes with Alycia's.

"I'm right here. I'll always be here," she whispers pulling me close. I close my eyes as I wrap my arms around her.