When the Sun Fades

Simula

A brightest smile hides a thousand cries. I cover up my sorrow with a phony smile. I consistently wear it. Everyone remarks on how happy I always appear— if they only knew...

YEARS LATER

I was staring at the night sky in a daze when all of a sudden, vivid images started to appear in my mind.

It has been a long difficult year since I took the courage to fight back, to find the missing piece of my heart, and to put an end to my own inner demons. And thus far, I've been successful in achieving my inner peace.

I heaved a loud sigh.

"Are you ready for our errands?" I flinched when my cousin unexpectedly showed himself in front of me...

Trying to get my attention.

I smiled genuinely at him. He never left my side for five years. He has always supported me through my ups and downs, and I am happy to have a cousin like him.

I repress a smile and let out a long sigh, "I don't know..."

Am I ready?

"You have to," He said. But I didn't respond to his remarks. I just continued to stare up at the night sky as if it were my favorite thing to do.

The truth is, hindi ko kailan man ginusto ang pag-lubog ng araw o ang pag-sapit ng gabi.

Mas gusto ko kapag sumisikat ang araw dahil mas nabibigyan ako nito ng liwanag. Kapag sumisikat ang araw ay nabibigyan nito ako ng pag-asa. Para sa 'kin ay sumisimbolo ang araw ng panibagong buhay na kahit pa dumating ang gabi at mag dilim, muli itong magliliwanag para ipakita sa mga tao na may bukas pa.

Na hindi pa huli ang lahat... na may pag-asa pa.

"Iha, are your belongings ready? Everything in its place? Do you have any forgotten items?" One after another, Tita gently asked.

Tita Mertelle, who sheltered me here in America, is my cousins mother. I owe her a lot, so I'll make sure to get back to her someday.

Mamayang gabi na ang flight namin ng pinsan ko pauwi sa Pilipinas kaya naman dinadaga na ang puso ko sa kaba.

Sa limang taon naming pananatili rito sa America ay hindi ko na nabisita ang ganitong pakiramdam. Ito ay ang kaba habang iniisip ang mga taong naiwan ko sa Pilipinas.

Napabuntong hininga na lamang ako. Hindi ko alam kung may naiwan nga ba talaga ako. Ni hindi ko rin alam kung may babalikan pa ba ako.

"Siyempre naasikaso na niya lahat, Ma! Excited kaya 'yan umuwi ng pinas." He exclaimed, and swear, I suddenly want to struggle his neck!

Kung maka-asta minsan ito ay parang tambay lang sa kanto at hindi mo aakalaing isa itong bilyonaryo.

"Hindi ba p'wedeng dito na lang kayo?" I bite the insides of my cheek and immediately looked away to my Tita Mertelle's hopeful eyes.

As much as I want to stay here for my Tita, alam kong hindi puwede.

Kailangan kong ayusin ang mga naiwan ko sa Pilipinas. Kailangan kong bumalik dahil iyon ang dapat kong gawin.

"Ma! Huwag ka ngang mag-drama alam ko namang susunod ka rin sa 'min."

Tita and I both chuckled.

"Aba! Baka kasi mapapayag ko pa itong si Hyacinth na rito na lang! Isa pa nandito rin si West." I pouted at her remark, "Biro lang, iha." Dagdag niya.

I suddenly remember the West that I used to talk to— nvm. I should forget about it.

Masaya ako na naging kasama ko sila. Aaminin ko na kung hindi dahil sa kanila ay siguro hindi na ako makakausad sa buhay. Baka nakasadlak pa rin ako sa lupa kung hindi nila ako pinulot.