Little Dark One

28 - boys breakfast club

Keira

I sat with my knees facing the door, ignoring Tommy the entire drive home. Thank god he drove like a normal human being or I would've ended him right then and there, regardless of who he was. 

I was never truly afraid of him hurting me before, but now I wasn't so sure. Something so dark and fucked up came over him like I'd never experienced. He let me into his inner world and trusted me with such personal details about his past, and then ripped the rug out from under me and fell back into the evil patterns he went there to forget.

It was like his demons were fighting for control, and for a few terrifying moments, they won.

I was beginning to let my guard down around him these last 48 hours, and now regret pulsed through me, making me question every action I've taken or allowed. 

He didn't say a single word to me as he expertly weaved through the morning rush. I could feel his gaze flick to me every few minutes, but he never broke the silence or attempted to apologize again. There was nothing he could say, nothing that would excuse his psychotic actions. He ruined such a beautiful experience for me, how could I forgive him?

The stories of his past triggered excruciating flashbacks, but his warm arms and gentle kisses soothed me. Until he fucked it all up beyond repair. He had no idea what those memories meant to me, he had no idea who I really was to him, and I have no intention of enlightening him.  

July 3rd, 2017 

I stood alone and emotionless as his casket was lowered into the ground, the warm sun setting over the horizon behind me. I was too numb to feel the guilt anymore. As the pine box hit the bottom of the trench I said my final goodbye and turned my back on him forever.

I let go of everything I've ever felt and walked for hours with no direction. I passed happy couples and families laughing amongst themselves. Each happy human interaction I tried to ignore threatened to pull my turbulent emotions back to the surface, and I wasn't ready to face those emotions yet, so I moved towards the crashing waves and salt air. 

I ripped my hair clip out and tossed it into the ocean violently as I walked parallel to the waves. The strong scent of freshly dyed hair blended into the salty air as my locks twirled in the breeze around me. I disassociated completely as I walked on auto pilot through the compact sand for what must have been hours. I occasionally encountered a harbour I had to move around but the ocean always pulled me back to the shore. 

The sky began to fade to gray, and then pink as I kept moving, with no intention of ever stopping. I barely registered a theme park sticking out over the ocean in the distance. The wind intensified, whipping my hair around my face as my dress billowed against my legs.

The sun broke over the horizon and bathed me in warm golden light, opening the floodgates to every feeling I had repressed. A freight train of dark emotions slammed into me and I held my face up to the sun rays as a waterfall of tears stained my cheeks.

I was snapped out of my flashback as the vibration of the Ferrari's engine cut off. We had arrived back at the compound and I wasted no time reaching for the handle and swinging the door open, beyond ready to escape this man's volatile presence so I could wallow in my sadness, alone.

"Keira, wait." He begged, reaching over me swiftly and pulling my door closed again so I remained trapped in this small steel cage with him.

"There is nothing you can say to fix this, Knox." I whispered, desperately needing to fall into a numbness again. 

He flinched at my sudden use of his feared last name. "I know I fucked up. Just give me a chance to explain." 

"There is no explanation that will make what you did okay!" My frantic voice flooded the car as I lost my cool completely. "You're completely insane, Knox. Off the fucking rails." Just like I almost was.