under the same star }} e.p

chapter 13: how will it?

i kicked with the point of my shoes the small pebbles that merely laid on the floor. the bright stars were starting to show up and the sky darkened by the minute.

after everything that had happened i figured it would be a good thing to isolate myself from everybody and just stand outside on the second floor of aslan's how. the wind hit much more satisfying here than down there.

i reached over to my pocket and i remembered how i haven't had any dreams recently. recklessly i popped off the cork of the small bottle and drank almost the whole thing, leaving just a few little drinks.

i wiped my mouth with my forearm and i put the bottle back in it's pocket.

the liquid tasted bittersweet now. it didn't taste like this before and im not quite sure if something, like a bug, landed inside and just decomposed. i gagged at the thought of me possibly having a decomposed bug in my system.

a sudden cold air hit me and my skin prickled. i tucked some hair behind my ears and tried to keep my hair as "not messy" as possible.

i gazed at the massive field and the rock remains in the middle of everything.

my vision turned blurry for a moment and then clear, but in front of me wasnt that beautiful field from a few seconds ago, it was that same scenery back at the castle raid.

so many soldiers and narnians fighting with swords, bows and arrows- so much killing and blood. i was relaxed because i knew this was my mind playing tricks on me but that small thought at the back of my head grew louder.

what if i had actually died and this is just me in the after life using this world as comfort? what if edmund didn't catch me?

i looked down and those same railings flickered in my vision. they aren't there, i know that, but they look so real.

"have a safe ride, daughter"

those wicked words replayed like a broken record inside my head, with just the same amount of darkness and honesty he had said them. he wanted me dead and i bet he blames himself every day since for not having executed me.

all these feelings didn't matter anymore. i wanted to feel something. something more than just fear and some very weak butterflies in my stomach. i wanted to feel happiness, something i havent felt since last june when i got my braces off.

i took a deep breath in and breathed out through my mouth. i walked to the very edge of the rock platform and looked down on the floor below me. there was some light escaping from the inside of the burrow. i was exacly above from the big door.

this doesn't seem so far up, i could probably do it without any problem. i prepared myself and bent my knees, ready to jump off when a hand grabbed my arm and pulled me aggressively into safety. i yelped and fell backwards, hitting my head on the rock wall not far behind me.

"what in the world were you doing?"

i rubbed my eyes and tried to focus. the voice was distorted, it sounded like two voices said it at the same time, a very deep one and a "normal" one.

the sky was very dark and the only thing shinning were the moon and the stars. i could see a silhouette hovering over me and looking straight down at my confused face. i felt their gaze burning through me.

i got up by myself and adjusted my dress. the person's face was much recognizable now and i groaned at the sight.

"and before you ask any more questions, no, i wasn't trying to injure myself. i was just trying to jump from here, the height isn't that high-"