Left To Survive

V

10 PM

꧁ Alisha ꧂

I was alone in my room watching some Netflix original when my phone lighted up. I picked it up and smiled when I saw it was Yara.

Yara: Hey dumbass

Yara: how was your dayy

Yara: I missed you bitch

Me: Heyyy

Me: It was alright altho

Me: I got some bad news

Yara: What is it?

Me: Well...

Me: Actually could we call?

The phone started buzzing as Yara called me and I picked up.

"Hey again, thanks for calling," I said. "Shut up, I love talking to you" A few seconds of silence. I could feel that something was off. "So what's up?" Yara asked. "Are you okay?" I asked her in return. "Yeah yeah I'm fine, no worries. I'll tell you my thing next. You first." And  I told her about how I didn't get accepted into the school.

"Shit Alisha I'm so sorry... I know how bad you wanna leave... Urgh I wish I could do something..." she told me. "No no it's fine, I'll be fine, I just have to bite through, you know? Stay strong and all that shit."

Again silent for a bit. I asked Yara what's up, and she told me about what happened with her mom that evening. I hated that woman. I know, I know, it's bad to hate people and I usually try to see the best in others... Even my bullies. But this woman- She drived me crazy. I wished I could let Yara and Aaron come live with us and get them out of their abusive house forever. I hated that my best friend has to go through shit day in day out. I hated it. And I wished I could do something...

We talked for a bit more until 11:30 pm and then Yara remembered she had an assignment to hand in before midnight, and panicking she excused herself and went to do it.

The room felt silent and empty without me talking to her. I should probably go to sleep, it was really late. And although I was skipping school tomorrow, I should get my rest.

I went for a quick shower, brushed my teeth and nestled myself in my thick layered bed, to immediately fell deeply asleep.

꧁ Yara ꧂

You dumb bitch. Forgetting about stupid french paper that was planned weeks ago? And it counted for 10% of the exam... I was in the shit. I kept on forgetting so many stuff, it was really becoming a problem. Yesterday I simply forgot to eat until 5pm. Stupid stupid stupid. 30 minutes to save this thing. Let's go.

I read the instructions. "Write an interview that you would have with either: Julius Caesar in 100BC, Adolf Hilter in 1939, Boudica in 59 AD or Napoleon in 1800. In french. 750 words"

What the actual fuck. Was this history or french?

Deep breaths Yara, you got this. Deep breaths. I started writing. In English of course. I couldn't do French that well. So I wrote whatever I could for 20 minutes. 736 words. On Boudica. Oh well should be enough. My fingers were dying. I copy pasted my rubbish text into google translate, changed up a bit and uploaded that shit exactly at 11:59pm. Wow.

I sat back in my chair and let out a deep breath. I could work fast if I wanted to. I should put that special talent on my cv.

After some more youtube videos and scrolling through tiktok in my bed I saw that it was 2:56. Oh well. I guess I should sleep now then? I had the feeling I won't fall asleep soon though. But we had to try.

I put my phone on silent and airplane mode and left it to recharge. I closed my eyes and ended up replaying my day. Going to school, where the only thing that makes it bearable are my friends. They made me laugh and knew just the right words to bring a little smile on my face. Then going to the skate park and being home, with my mom "checking up on how I'm doing" every hour, aka seeing if I'm using all my given time on this earth "as best as possible" (her words, not mine).

I was so tired of living with her, feeling so worthless and weak all the time. For some time in my life I thought that I was the problem. Somewhere deep inside I still thought that. But then again, even when I was behaving "perfect" to her standards, it still wasn't not enough. It was never enough for her. Neither with Aaron, but my mom was a little bit less hard on him. "Because he's a soon to be man" she said. What's that even mean?? I don't know.

For a long time I kept on overthinking and turning and being sad about my life. Sometimes I felt tears rolling down but they were more annoying than anything else. I think I ended up falling asleep around 5am. Just great. Two hours of sleep, should be enough.