Left To Survive

XXIII

My sweetest Alisha

If you're getting this letter, it means that I'm gone for good. It means I finally had the guts to take this decision and end my life. And I couldn't leave without saying goodbye to you.

First of all, I am so deeply sorry for what I am putting you through. You deserve to have a best friend, someone who helps you through the hard period that you're going through right now. But I can't offer you what you need; not in my state. Every hour, every second of my life has been horrible, I'm locked up in my own thoughts. I cannot explain the pain I feel, or the numbness of not feeling, and I know you won't understand. I sincerely hope you never will, because I don't wish this pain upon anyone.

The truth is, I have to leave. I have to leave this world, I feel like everything in it rejects me, is against me. Even my own head has turned against me. Recovering from it would be impossible, or too hard to bear, so I took the decision to stop my pain.

I know you're sad about this right now, we have so many memories together... So many good times. You were the reason I held up for this long. You were my everything, Lisha, and I love you so much. You made it worth living for a little bit longer, but not enough. And I am so sorry for putting you through this pain, you truly deserve better.

But I know that you'll get better, you'll get over this pain, you'll find new friends and you'll be happy in your life, because that's the kind of thing that you deserve. And you will be okay, you really will!

You have showed me what true love is, unconditional love. I never got to know what it is with my mother, but you have showed me a whole world of it. You always made time for me, for my problems, and I am so incredibly grateful that I had you.

I will always be thankful for everything you've done for me, for everything we've shared together.

And I hope you will forgive me.

Yours forever,
Yara <3