Left To Survive

XX

A/N: Warning!

This chapter can be triggering

ꕥ ꕥ ꕥ ꕥ ꕥ ꕥ ꕥ ꕥ

9 April

7 PM

꧁ Yara ꧂

My mom was yelling at my brother downstairs. I was rearranging my room. I've been busy redecorating the whole day, and cleaning up the mess I made over months. If I had to go, I wanted my room to look good at least. It made sense in my head. My room looked so much bigger now, more comfortable. But not my own anymore. Estranged.

I had been skipping school for the past few days. Today I called in sick. Friends had been texting and calling me, but I ignored them all, even Alisha.

Somewhere deep in my heart I felt sorry for ignoring her. But I simply couldn't deal with anything anymore; it was all too much. I was constantly overwhelmed and anxious, and numb. Time flied by or stretched out. I barely slept at night, or during the day. But I also couldn't remember what I did instead.

And Alisha... She was the one I've been holding strong for, for so long already. She was the reason I've stayed for too long now. And if I gave in and texted her back, or took up her calls, I might change my mind.

꧁ Alisha ꧂

Yara hasn't replied to any of my calls or messages for three days now. I knew she could ignore me sometimes, but never for this long. I knew she has been having a really hard time, but how was I supposed to help if she wouldn't let me?

I decided to bake her a cake and bring it to her. I knew she'd be alone at home for a few hours this evening, so I'd come to her house then.

I packed the chocolate cake in a paper bag, put on my coat and shoes and attached the bag to my bike. I sent a message to Yara, to ask how she was doing. I knew she wouldn't reply, though. I was not telling her that I was coming, that would spoil the whole surprise.

It was a beautiful evening: the sun was going under and said goodbye by shining orange and pink lights on little clouds. I almost drove into lanterns a few times because I kept staring up at the sky.

꧁ Yara ꧂

"Okay, we're going now!" my mom yelled at me from downstairs. I came down. "Alright, have fun!" I forced a fake smile and waved at them. My mom and Aaron went to school for some information night. They'd be gone a few hours.

After they closed the door a silence filled the house. It seemed empty, but it wasn't as comforting as usual. I felt a lack of humanity, love and affection. The walls felt pressured and I felt closed up.

I hated my life here. In my whole life, I could only remember being happy with friends, with Alisha or with my dad.

My dad, who died a few years back. He was my world. The best parent you could ever imagine. His love was deeper than any ocean, he never seemed to get mad, sad or irritated. He was my world.

Until he died.

I sighed. I went back to my room and looked at it for a few minutes. It looked like someone else's. The pink papers, the letters, are on my table, next to my phone. Right at the moment that I looked at it, I saw it buzzing. It was from Lisha.

Alisha: Hey bestieee! How are you doing?  :)

Shivering from my back. A single tear rolled down my cheek. I almost gave in to answer her, but held myself back. That wouldn't do any good. And Alisha was going to be alright. Or at least, that's what I told myself. It's what I had to believe. 

She'd be okay.

And I closed the door of my room one last time.

꧁ Alisha ꧂

After about 30 minutes I arrived at Yara's house. A bad feeling crawled up my back but I shivered it off. I detached the paper bag with the cake off of my bike and walked up to the door to ring the bell. 

After a minute of ringing there was still no answer.

I called Luna, but she didn't pick up. Why wasn't she home? Maybe she went to the school with her mother and Aaron.

Disappointed I rang the bell a few more times. Then I knocked. Some light was burning in the house, but it was deadly silent.

I began getting agitated, but then I remembered that her family kept a spare key above the doorframe, in case. I felt around, standing on my tiptoes because it was pretty high. I smiled victoriously when I could feel my fingers touch the metal of the key. I moved it a bit and cursed when the key fell down and hit my head.

I opened the door with the key, and saw how the light in the bathroom was burning. So somebody is home. Then why didn't they open...? Closing the door behind me I came closer.

"Hello?" My voice sounded loud in the hallway of the house. Too loud. "Yara, you home?" I stood still when a scary thought occurred me. What if there was a burglar? I couldn't fight, what was I supposed to do then? It wasn't too late to go back now.

But something told me to stay. A gut feeling, if you wish.

I checked some empty rooms before I approached the bathroom. When I looked in there, a nauseous feeling came over me. The walls were collapsing around me, my legs turned into jelly.

On the bathroom floor was laying Yara, white as a ghost.

When reality sank in, I rushed up to her and put my fingers on her neck and wrist, to feel the heartbeat. I could only feel my own, beating hard for the both of us.

"C'mon Yara, what is this?" I asked her desperately, panic rising in my chest, tears rolling down like rivers. This couldn't be happening. This really couldn't be happening right now.

Still no pulse. With shaking hands I took my phone out of my pocket, dialed 911 and put the phone on speaker. I cursed loudly, while putting my hands on her chest and starting compressions. Honestly, I really didn't know what I was doing, or if It even had a point. The feeling I was having right now was indescribable. As an idiot I moved my hands up and down her dead, lifeless chest.

After a few seconds the emergence line answered and I explained the situation to them. I didn't know if they understood even half of what I was saying, I was stuttering, crying, gasping for air.

"For how long has she been in this state, ma'am?"

"I don't know! I just came here a minute ago."

"We're sending an ambulance. What could the cause of this be?"

"I don't know!"

"What are you doing right now, ma'am?"

"Compressions? I didn't feel a heartbeat, I don't know what to do, tell me what to do!"

"Ma'am, they will be with you in a mom-"

"What the fuck do I do? This is my best friend c'mon, you have to tell me what to do..."

The tears were still rolling down my face. My whole face was wet and my sight blurry. It felt as if I'd been compressing for ages now. Where was that damn ambulance?

"Come on Yara! Don't you dare- don't you dare to leave me!" I begged her. I couldn't even look at her face. It was so pale and... dead.

She was dead. Yara was dead.

I finally stopped and fell down next to her. I was living in a nightmare. I stared at her; she was lifeless. Thoughts should be racing through my head at this point, but I didn't have a single one. I could only look at her.

My whole world. My best friend. The person who made me who I am. The person I would give my life for, without thinking, without regrets.

My person. Dead.

My Yara. Dead.