Making it.

Chapter 1 - What's best for me?

A/N: Hello and a big big thank you for noticing my story and deciding to read it. You are doing so so much more for me than you think you are and- literally just thank you. I hope you feel, get addicted to and fall in love with this story just as much as I did. And I guess, have fun. I love you.

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For my biggest supporter and sister, Ana, who has not even once in her life read a book.

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My summer had started off amazing. Better than what I could have ever asked for, to be honest. For the first time since freshman year, I felt like my life was making sense again and that feeling was, like always, freaking me out just a teeny tiny bit. Nevertheless, I supressed that gut warning and realised that the only thing I could do is try and make the most out of every situation that was thrown at me like a brick wall out of nowhere. May the situation be good or bad, I can handle anything, or so I thought at least.

A laugh escapes my lips when I think of how clueless and oblivious I had been that entire time.

After prom I only had one more week of school left until I was being released from the hell hole that is called Highschool for another two months until the devil's cycle would start again for one last and dreadful senior year. When I try to think back, I don't really remember everything that I did throughout this summer break because I did so much.

Most of my time was spend with Milli, Simon and Elliot. Okay- all of my time was spent with the three of them. Occasionally, I would go home once or twice a week in order to get clean clothes and then proceed to sleep over at Milli's house again. To my surprise, mom and ex-dad Hal didn't have a single problem with my style of living – or if they had, they didn't try and voice those thoughts. Of course, my subconscious mind was ringing alarm bells at that but I simply pushed it down the back of my head once more and continued on partly moving in with Milli and her family.

One thing I remember were the many nightly walks Elliot and I had along the coast. The first time we went there together was because he decided to surprise me with a romantic date. At first, I thought that that night could only end up being cringy and too cliché for everybody's own good, but it turned out to be incredible. We talked all night and he told me various stories about his life in Texas. I can definitely tell that he misses it there. At the end of the night, we decided to walk around a little bit longer to enjoy the calm time alone while we could. Looking at the sky filled with stars, we both remembered when I compared the colour blue to a star-less sky at night in Mrs Glews class. I also recalled how annoying he was at that time.

It feels like those walks were the only thing I did the entire summer. Even if it was, I could never be mad about spending time with the guy I love. Love. That word still sounds strange in combination with someone who is not Milli, Simon or their families.

I roughly and maybe a little over aggressively stuff my backpack for one last and final night with the people closest to my heart. My throat is itching because of how much I need to swallow and not let my tears fall already. Milli, Simon and of course Elliot insisted on sitting around the fireplace at the beach and roast marshmallows before this Summer officially is over and I am forced to go to London.

Two weeks ago ...

I close the front door quietly behind me, hoping that nobody is home and even if there is, that I can just slip into my room, take my stuff and get out again in the next five minutes.

Mom clears her throat behind me and I give her a quick glance before straightening my posture. "Hello." I say in a stiff voice and proceed to walk past her with no luck. She steps in front of me and crosses her arms like any mother would do if her child would get home for five minutes once a week. I know what words are about to leave her mouth and I don't even want to hear them.

"We need to talk." Is all she says and moves towards the kitchen where most of her secrets have been spilled for me to deal with and I don't think that this time will be any different. Though it wouldn't make this more bearable, at least she then has one thing less to lie about.

I sit down at the counter and wait patiently for her to talk. A sigh leaves her mouth and she combs through her hair with her fingers, something she does often when she is anxious.

"How have you been? I feel like I haven't seen you in ages." She finally asks and I am a little taken aback by the calmness in her voice, but try to give nothing away.

"Good, I guess." I answer her and she raises an eyebrow.

"Good? That's all for a teenager who gets to be outside doing god knows what with her friends? Come on Hailey, give me a proper answer for once."

"I have been enjoying my freedom a lot. But you are not mad about it?" I can't help but to ask her. This simply doesn't sit right with me.

"I mean- I'm not happy about it but I think you deserve that space and freedom to live your life at your own pace." This time I am completely baffled after her answer.

"Oh. Thanks for considering my feelings for once." I respond too sassy than actually intended and wince after my choice of words. Mom notices the change in my facial expression and softens her glare just as fast.

"This isn't the only thing that I wanted to talk to you about Hailey." She breaks the silence for the second time and my stomach churns. This can't be good.

"Go on." I push her and she fiddles with her hair again.

"How are things with your da- I mean Mike. Do you talk at all?" She asks with hopeful eyes and my body backs away a little bit.

"Considering you are the one pushing me to talk to him once a week, yes. We text each other sometimes too." I answer, my voice representing my curiosity in this moment.

"Would you like to get to know him more and maybe see him?" She asks and this time I raise my eyebrows with a shrug.

"At some point, sure. But mom, where are you going with this?" I eventually get her to come clean, not being able to wait anymore.

"I want you to go to London and be with your father, Hailey." She says and I open my mouth but close it again.

"Pardon me?"

"You are going to go to London. You need to spend time with your real father. Mike lives near this amazing elite boarding high school that you will go to. I've looked at pictures and read everything about it, it's such an amazing place for you-"

"Wait- you are seriously sending me off to London to some kind of elite school against my will? Are you even hearing yourself?" I interrupt her.

"Yes, Hailey. Just look at this from the bright side-"

"The bright side? What fucking bright side is there about you forcing me to another fucking continent?!" I raise my voice and mom is in defence mode again.

"The decision is final, Hailey. This is what's best for you."

At that sentence I completely loose it. How dare she say something like that to me? 

"What's best for me?! You don't even know me, mother! All this talk about me getting my freedom and getting to live my life at my own pace is complete and utter bullshit and you know it. You only let me go outside so much because you thought that I would agree to your little plan of getting rid of me! Because this is what this is about, isn't it? You found somebody else to pay for the kid you gave birth to, but weren't able to raise into this perfect rainbow and unicorns world that you wanted! You want proper answers mother? Okay! You can get rid of me, send me to another continent, screw me over and over and over again, but remember that after today, you will never be a mother to me again." I lower my voice on the last part, my tone threatening and tears streaming down my face. My feet act before I can register that I am running out of that door like I did all those months ago for the very first time when she had told me everything about the dad fiasco.