Making it.

Chapter 23 - A child.

The last few days have been nerve wracking for me.

On the first day that my friends and soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend had arrived, we somehow all cramped in that little space somebody usually calls a room and watched movies. Well, all the other ones watched movies while my mind was running a mile a minute because I imagined multiple scenarios of how I would break up with Elliot. None of them ending in a somewhat good way. How could you even break up with someone and still have them not hate you?

When we went to sleep, I insisted for Milli and I to sleep on my bed together, so that the guys would have 'more space' on the ground. I really just wanted to be as far away from Elliot as possible and Milli and Simon knew. They understood.

I had tossed and turned all night, waiting for the sun to finally rise and relieve me with the fact that it were only 40 more hours until this time with Elliot and our relationship was finally over. In my head, those thoughts sounded incredibly harsh, but they were the truth and nothing is better than the truth, ...right?

I wasn't only avoiding Elliot. I was avoiding Luke like he had some deadly disease as well. I know, I sound pathetic for trying this another time, but right now I knew that this avoiding would only last a little while longer until we could go back to normal once more. And to be honest, that space from Luke had ached in my chest way more than the fact Elliot and I were no longer going to be a couple. This eventually only confirmed my decision of breaking up.

While my thoughts often wandered around into bad loops and circles, I re-directed them into a place I was happier in. I imagined Luke and I as a couple. The way we would bicker and then he would apologise and make up with kisses made my heart flutter. The way he would put his hands on my waist and be so close that I my nostrils were filled by his always fresh and minty breath made my entire body feel like sparks were lit up in my veins. The way we would go out on our kinds of dates and he would teach me how to drive Lola made the excitement in my entire body grow. The way Mike would approve of him, and my mother would get a heart attack if she knew about all of this made my smile grow even wider. All those thoughts kept me in a comfortable space until I was hit with the hard truth once again:

I don't even know if Luke loves me back – let alone feels anything for me more than our so called friendship. Also, I actually have no real clue how a relationship with Luke would be like. Not one. But the fact that this is the only thing keeping me accountable right now speaks for itself, I guess.

While my friends were still soundly sleeping, I went for a run again to bust some time until they would finally wake up. The sun had shone in my face which made me feel better in general. The sun coming through was something extremely rare during autumn or winter in London and the fact that I got all these endorphins through something as simple as this made my pace go up a notch naturally.

Without even noticing, a figure appeared on my left and I put one of my earphones out once I recognised it as Luke.

"Didn't know you were an early morning runner." I exclaim and he laughs while shaking his head.

"I'm not, I just need something to calm down my thoughts."

"Welcome to the club, buddy." I hit his shoulder slightly and he smiles.

"If the club only consists of the two of us then I'll gladly join."

"Nu-uh not so easy boy. You have to pay an entry fee to join my spectacular club."

"Isn't my presence entry fee enough?" He asks, the smile replaced by a cocky smirk now.

"Your presence is the reason you have to pay an entry fee." I counter and mirror his smirk.