A Wish Just For You

March: You

My feet walks through the park that night, enjoying the cool atmosphere of the night among the street lights.  I let my long hair dance in the night breeze.

It's Eddy's birthday today, but I'm really felt sorry I can't buy him a present or even a cake to make him happy.  To be honest, I only have time for him.  Luckily he didn't exactly declined when I wanted us to stroll around.

Eddy walks beside me in silence.  He was just silent on the sofa in my apartment all day, just like any other day. I thought he should get some fresh air in his happy day.

Even though many of his friends said their greetings, he didn't seem to be improving at all.

I am truly sorry.  My mornings have always started with his presence ever since Kelly left him, but why can't I give him more?

"Hey."

I turned when I heard Eddy's voice.

"Thanks for the valentine brownies."

I widen my eyes, then quickly looked away.  My cheeks flushed again remembering that incident.

After secretly handing him the chocolate brownies, I went through the day feeling awkward.  It's very hard to hide my feelings from him.

"I know it's too late to say this. But... I'm glad you made the brownies for me."

I silent for a moment, then closed my eyes.  "Uh... thanks, Eddy. I'm glad you like it."

There's some silence for a while after that, Eddy didn't seem to know what else to answer.  The two of us just walked side by side in silence, until I heard Eddy's steps stopped.  I opened my eyes again and stop my track.

"You know?"  Eddy looked up at the sky full of stars.  "Kelly always gives me a special gift everytime my birthday arrives."

Yes, I know.  Being close with Eddy made me witness everything, sometimes without even him realizing it.

"What gift?"  I asked, pretending to know.  Both of my eyes, as usual, locked into his form.

Eddy smiles faintly, but didn't reply. He didn't seem want to tell me more.

I voice again. "I'm sure that gift is really special from her to you, huh?"

"....Yeah."

Silence pierced each of us.  No one dared to speak.  I'm lost in my thoughts, racking my brains how to be able to comfort Eddy in his day.

"...Then, may I give you something too?"  My voice came out quietly as if it was stifled.  The vision of Eddy thinking about Kelly endlessly resurfaced in my mind.

Eddy looked at me with big eyes.  While I looked back with a tired face.

"May I?"  I asked again, repeating my sentence softly.

"Um..." Eddy lowered his head for a moment, then nods.  "Sure?"

I smiled a little, and walk closer.  My heart is pounding as I go, I tried to be brave as my hands slowly entered between Eddy's fingers.

Eddy looks confused, but he doesn't refuse it either.  He keeps staring at me, maybe still processing what I mean.

"Actually, I have nothing, Eddy," I said nervously. I let out a sigh.  " We've been friends since we were little but, I don't know if this will make you happy, at least on your birthday, but I can only... be here. With you."

Eddy is silent, didn't really understand what you say.  His face looked at me uneasily, as restless as mine.

"Shall we do what you usually do with Kelly on your birthday?"  I said with a sigh.

Eddy is still staring blankly at me, as if he can't believe his hearing just now.  "Why?"

"Hm?"

"Why... do you want to do it?"  Eddy asked again.  His voice seemed weakn his face seems hopeless as can be. "You know that's the only Kelly thing, right? No one-"

I looked away slowly. I know this is not everyone's thing. This should be done by a couple. And there's no reason I'm doing this.  At all.  Maybe I'm just pathetic?  Maybe I'm just a loser?

"You've fought hard, Eddy," you looked back at your friend. I chose to not answer him. "You're great, you survived until now even though I know you feel the world is never on your side."

"I..."

"I... just want you to be happy again. Smile again. But... if you don't want to..." I said softly.  Slowly let go of Eddy's grasp.

But Eddy have other plans.  He suddenly keeps your hand between his fingers, then without a warning immediately drops his lips to mine.

I felt an electric shock as soon as Eddy grabbed me.  A tear rolls down my cheek as we do.

We stayed like that for a while, blowing each other's emotions through the kiss, even though this isn't exactly what I should do.

I'm hurting myself by doing this. But... Have you ever thought that you realize that all of this is not based on love, but you still do it for his happiness anyway?

I sincerely wanted to make him happy the way Kelly does if that's what he really wants.  But what about me, you say?  Well... I seriously have no idea.

Eddy pulled back, as we stare at each other again.  I slowly let go of Eddy's hand.

"Thanks... y/n."  Eddy spoke softly.  He's still looking at me confused.

I slowly looked away.  To be honest, I was much less clueless about what to do.

"Thanks... for accompanying me until now." Eddy said, I hear little trembles from his voice.

You fake smiled to him. His kiss felt like a sweet dream to me, but yet sad too because I know it's not for me. "I'm only doing... what a best friend would do to each other when you needed help."

Eddy frown, then looked away hearing my answer. Maybe he realize that I'm pushing myself too? Maybe he realize I didn't really that happy?

"Um... y/n..." Eddy said.  "May I ask you something?"

I didn't budge.

"Did you... fail your thesis?" Eddy continues doubfully.

I widen my eyes, then looked back at him in surprise.  Hold on, how did he know about that?

Eddy stared at me silently, for a second he didn't turn his face away from me, as if waiting for me to really answer.

I avoided making eye contact, trying to change the subject.  "Uh, let's walk again."

I walk briskly from there, until Eddy shouted quite loudly miserable to me.

"Are you going to keep lying to me?!"

My feet reflexively stopped hearing his voice.  My face is gloomy, not wanting to reveal the truth. There's no use telling him.

I hear Eddy's footsteps approaching me. He asks from behind me with a weak voice.  "I mean... It's... okay to tell me... about it..."

I remained silent, letting my breath feel heavier and heavier from time to time.  Tears began to appear from the corners of my eyes.  Should I be honest with him?  No, no. I don't want to see him fall again.

I heard Eddy sigh.  "I saw the result of your defense near the trash can."

I'm petrified.  My eyes widen to hear it.  No.  This is not how it should be.  Why did he see it even though I threw it away?  Why did he have to pick it up?

"y/n..." Eddy called again.

I looked down and rubbed my wet eyes.  I turned to face Eddy and smile.  Again, hiding my feelings with some fake smile in action.  "You don't have to worry about me, Eddy. I'll be fine."

However, Eddy didn't seem to believe it.  I immediately walk as I pull his hand.  "Come on, let's go home."

"Uh-" Eddy hadn't had time to answer, his hand was already pulled and he can't do anything but follows me.

I'm so sorry, Eddy...

To be continued :)