After getting our chips we make our way onto the beach.we find a nice spot that doesn't have as many people around.the weather today has been beautiful so a lot of people have had the same idea as us.we sit ourselves down on the pebbles and open up our chips.
I look over to Tommy in front of the sunset and decided to take a picture.
"Heys toms look at me"he turns his body and he does a silly pouty face.
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as I was eating I started to think.I realised today would be the last time I see Tommy in person for what I expect will be a very long time.I'm going to miss him like hell.even though our time together hasn't been that long it feel like it has been the thing I have needed for a long time.I'm scared that when he leaves I'm going to go back to my own ways.my same boring routine.the same low and sad feeling I would get from the minute I wake up to the minute I fall asleep.since staying with Tommy I feel as though I have been distracted from my feelings.my low and sad feelings.but I also know another type of feeling has grown on me.this feeling has been brewing for a long time but now it seems ten times more big.although I feel this, I'm still not exactly sure as to what it is.I know for sure Tommy has made it a lot bigger and it's a feeling that I don't mind.
"Elle are you ok"Tommy snaps me out of my thoughts.When I look at Tommy i realise I had been crying.I get shy and start wiping my face before Tommy pulls me into a hug.
"I'm fine I just don't want to leave...I don't want to go back to the same old boring routine of my life where everyday feels the same"I start to cry more and Tommy squeezes me tighter
"Oh Elle....I'm so sorry....I'm sorry I'm so far away and I can never see you...I'm sorry I'm not there to comfort you when your sad, you don't know how much I wish I could stay here and be with you but it's just not possible"
"I know"I start to sob.Tommy holds me for a little while longer until my crying starts to stop.I pull out of the hug and look up to him.his blue eyes sparkle in the Sun.whenever I look at them I always get lost in the ocean they behold and it makes me feel safe,and calm.Tommy reaches up to move my hair out of my face.he rests his hand on my cheek before he starts to lean towards me.
My heart starts to beat like mad and the same butterfly feeling in my stomach returns.my mind is working a million miles and hour and I feel I am not thinking straight.before I know it his soft lips meet mine and all my pain feels it has evaporated.that sadness,anxiety,loneliness all feels as though it has been lifted of my shoulders.Tommy pulls away and looks me right in the eyes.He starts to rub his neck with his hand and I can't help but giggle.he's so cute when he does that.
"Thank you"I whisper
"Thank you to"he simply says back.
We stayed on the beach for a couple more hours just talking and listening to music.our song played again and it now occurs to me how accurate the lyrics are to mine and Tommy's relationship.especially when it talks about how His presence is always there but in reality he's miles away.and the fact that everything I do comes back to him.
I'm scared for the future.for how we are both going to turn out.after the kiss I feel even more confused than I did before.on one hand I know I want to be with him and tell him how I really feel but on the other hand I don't want to make a bad decision and our whole friendship to be ruined.I am also scared about the fact that if we do become a couple I don't want the distance to make us feel we can't progress in our relationship.I'm sure everything will work out.
After we get back from the beach we decide to just chill in bed for the rest of the evening.I laid on Tommy's stomach whilst he played with my hair.the sound of his heartbeat made me feel so relaxed that not a long while after I fell asleep.
