The last few weeks have been different.despite our promise myself and Tommy have been talking less.the main factor is because Tommy has been focusing a lot on his YouTube and streams which takes up a lot of his time.some days he doesn't get round to talking to me until late but I am already in bed by that time.like I expected I have gone back to the same old boring routine.I feel exhausted all the time and like the days feel as long as years.
I miss him.I miss him a lot.it now feels like that weekend was a dream,like it never happened and that it was all in my head.Even though Maeve has been there to cheer me up it's still not enough.I know what I want.I want him.I want him to make me feel safe and at ease but instead it feels I have been blocked out and I can't get my way around the wall that's been created between us.
School isn't helping either.I come home with mounds of homework and I am never motivated to do it.the one good day I had is when Tommy called me before school.we spoke about seeing each other in the summer holidays but never properly confirmed anything.that was just after the trip.now I feel if I was to bring it up he would want to maybe just focus on streaming.
I push my thoughts out of my head for the rest of the evening.I distract myself by drawing.my first drawing was of a sunflower.
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they reminded me a lot of Tommy.how they are so beautiful an vibrant just like his personality.and how tall they are compared to everyone else.after an hour my phone starts to ring.it's him.
"Hey Elle is it a good time to talk"his voice catches me of guard.it sounds like it's hurt.like his words are trying to claw there way out of his mouth.
"Hey yeah it's fine"we sit there for a seconds in an awkward silence.
"I'm sorry Elle"Tommy starts to cry
"I'm sorry I haven't been talking to you...I have been so busy and by the time I get to call you it's already to late.I'm either doing homework or streaming and I can't seem to find any time.I sometimes just lay in bed thinking about how much of an arse hole I am for not even texting you in the morning.for being so selfish to not think to even make sure your ok I-"I cut him of before he says anymore
"Tommy it's not just your fault.you shouldn't have to be the the only one putting in all the effort.I haven't reached out and tried to talk which is just as bad.but I think the main reason was because I felt if I did then I would be interrupting or doing something that I shouldn't.I didn't want to make myself seem clingy so instead I pushed myself away.I'm sorry to"
"I guess we both need to work on things together which I know won't be easy but we will get through it"
"For sure"we both stay silent until he speaks again
"I so want to hug you right now"Tommy sighs
"God you don't understand how much I have been needing a Tommy hug"
"Really"Tommy questions
"Of course toms you always make me feel safe when I'm with you"
"Is that what you you would like right now"his sentence confuses me which takes me a while to process it
"Umm yeah I would do anything to make that happen"
"Open your blinds and look outside"my eyebrows crease together in confusion as to what he is asking me to do
"Wha-"
"Just do it trust me you won't regret it"I do as he says and slowly pull up the blind.as I look around my eyes lock onto a tall figure standing in the road.I can make out the outline of his soft hair and his face.
I immediately hang up the phone and run downstairs.I feel as though my legs can't carry me fast enough.I swing open the front door to to revel him standing in front of it.I start to shake my head before I burst into tears.
"How...wha...when...I...I didn't know"
"Shhh shhh shhh it's ok I'm here now"we hold each other for a bit until he grabs my face.our lips meet each other for a few seconds before our eyes meet together.
"Can I stay with you for a bit...I kinda didn't think this part through"we start to chuckle before I grab his hand to pull him inside.Tommy explained that his dad had dropped him of as he had a business meeting in the morning and was staying near the area.my parents also agreed for him to stay just as long as we don't stay up to late.
"Thank you Jane for letting me stay it means the world"
"Your welcome any time Tommy just as long as Elle is happy we are to."
Later on that evening we watched a movie and had some dinner.before it ended my sister had joined us and had realised Tommy was apart of the smp.Tommy told her that He was famous and that he had millions of followers.thanks to him she didn't leave us alone until it was time to go to sleep.
I laid across Tommy's chest again just like that night in Brighton and my eyes instantly became heavy.
"Night Elle see you in the morning"Tommy whispers.I only manage to push out a small"night"before slowly drifting of.
