Recruit

Chapter 34: Some Kind of Gang

You sit in the Buzzard, surrounded by quiet men, gripping the last remnants of the man you loved. Who sacrificed himself for you, for her, for the galaxy. Your eyes stop producing tears eventually, but your whole face stings. Kuruk flies aimlessly through hyperspace, awaiting your order. You don't know what to do. You feel lost and alone. It all went wrong.

To give yourself time to think, you pull every inch of fabric through your hands, looking at all the rips and tears, the spots of blood. When you get to the lightsaber hole on his sweater, you automatically reach for the one on the jacket that you now wear. A dry sob escapes your lips when you pull out his tight, black boxers. There's a small, off-white ringed stain in the front. From when he buried his cock into you, and you orgasmed together. For the last time.

You can't look at the boots, the noise of them echoes in your mind. You can't take any of it anymore. It's too much to bear. It hurts too much. Your heart twists with agony. Your feet carry you away to the refresher, dropping his clothes onto the floor and rushing away without looking at the men around you. You don't want to know what they think about you right now.

You strip down, turning on the water of the shower to get hot. As soon as the heat touches your shoulders, you feel like you can breathe again. Your heart still aches, lungs still tired, but they work. In your state of reflection over Kylo, other memories come back to you as you scrub the dust and grime and sea water out of your hair.

You almost smile when you remember getting caught masturbating by Ap'lek. The memory isn't perfectly clear since your first days were so long and life changing, but it was definitely one of your first nights with the men. You remember being shocked to see how attractive they were. But now you understand exactly why they hide behind their masks. You can hear the jingling of your boots when you think about them, still a comforting sound, though it feels like a different life in which you wore them.

A small smile actually breaks when you remember what you did with Trudgen in here. How silly. Getting ourselves off because I thought he wouldn't respect me if we fucked.

And now you're his master. Although you know he'll resist you at every turn. Trudgen is too jealous and insecure to listen to you without rebuttal. And you wouldn't have it any other way. As much as he's put you through over these last months, you still love to see his stubborn ass every day.

If you think about it, you can feel Ushar nudging your back with his club. Your little smile widens just a bit more under the water. His constant teasing is so opposite from his raw sexual appeal in the bedroom. Him and Vicrul are both such fans of tying you up and slapping you around a little.

Your smile fades. Vicrul. He was so angry. And Ap'lek... you aren't sure what to do. Now that it's all over, you let yourself hurt over their words. Vic was supposed to be your best friend. And he rejected you instantly. You suspect Ap'lek is upset by the power balance, since he lead the knights a lot in Kylo's negligence. But Vicrul was just cruel.