Lirry Stayne One Shots

Remembering Sunday

Liam writes a letter to Harry and its just sad...yeah. And suicide hints.

By niamstorans on Tumblr

Dear Harry:

Every time i look at you my heart breaks. You're still as beautiful and as glorious as you always were. You always had that special thing, Harry. No one could really tell what it was, it was like you could suck all the magic and all the power of the world and make it your own. And you still do, you still have the world at your feet. I dare to say you always will.

But, do you remember when we used to have it too? Everything was about us, and everyone loved us. We were taking the world by storm and we thought we were invincible and that nothing would break us. Do you remember it, Harry? Do you even remember us?

We couldn't have been more wrong though. Back then, everything was gold and we would spend entire nights laughing at nothing, enjoying our youth and our freedom. I don't believe we were ever free, to be honest. We were trapped, but somehow we still managed to make something good out of it. And we didn't care about it, we didn't even waste any time thinking about it. We had everything, and it was all we cared about. If only we had paid more attention to the world outside, if only I had actually paid attention to what you were feeling... maybe we would still be together. Maybe we would still be something.

All this seems meaningless now, you're gone and nothing will bring you back. Nothing will bring us back.

There were times I would find you crying in your room. And I swear I did my best to help you, to understand you. But it was so hard, Harry. You were so high above us all, how was I supposed to interfere with that? I remember how I would ask you what had happened, and how you would simply smile at me and hug me tight, telling me everything was all right and how you were just tired. Now I know what was happening; now I wish I had done something.

I haven't talked to you in what? Five years? Something like that. I still see you, I still follow your career and I'm still as proud of you as I always was. But it hurts; it hurts like nothing ever hurt before. It hurts to see how you still smile when someone mentions us, when someone mentions our band or how great we used to be. It hurts because I know all you really want to do is burst into tears and scream at people how they have no idea of what happened. How they never had any idea of how we felt or how we still feel. That's what hurts.

And I remember all the stolen kisses and forbidden touches we shared; all the moments. I remember how you would be the only person calling me Li, and telling me I was yours. And I was... I still am. Even though I know you were never mine. You belong to the world, Harry. And I could never be selfish enough to claim you as my own. I won't lie to you, there were times I wish I could. But I never did.

But as I said before, it is all meaningless now. Those are nothing but memories, memories of times that won't ever come back.

I just wish I could tell you this, tell you how much I still love you and how much I always will. But I can't. I've made my decision now and it's final. I never really thought about how some sentences could define your life, or in this case your death... but it's true what people say about not having anything to lose when you already don't have anything to live for.

It's raining today, Harry. It makes me think about how much you loved rain. Not rain itself, but how much you loved to just stay still and just listen to it. It also reminds me of the day it all happened. When you told me you just couldn't handle it anymore, when you told me it was all over. It was also raining that day, It reminds me of how I stayed outside in the pouring rain for hours, wishing it would wash you out of me, out of my hair and out of my skin. But mostly out of my soul.

I don't blame you for anything and I don't want you to be mad at me for what I'm about to do. It's my choice and I hope you can understand that. I hope you get this letter, and I hope you read it. Maybe it will help you. I know you're not happy, how could you be? You're amazing at pretending, but not to me. I can still see trough you.

I'm not going to lie and tell you I'm not scared. Because I am, more then I have ever been. But I don't want you to remember me like this. I want you to remember me how I was when we were together and happy. Back then, when everything was perfect but nothing was real.

This is not a good bye letter; I hope I can still take care of you from wherever I'm going to. And trust me, if I can: I will. I'll never leave you, Harry.

I have to go now, the rain is getting stronger and louder, it's time.

I love you, and I always will. Just please, never forget that.

Liam.