Rose Colored Glasses

Chapter 43

*IMITHANDAZO*

I don't know what's worse,the fact that my husband is dead, killed by me or that my child is at the Ndlovu's probably wondering where is mommy

Musa wami,he was trouble but he didn't deserve to die the way he did. Now I am left all alone,his family doesn't want to see me anywhere near their house.

My sister is coming by force to keep me company. That has forced me to tied up the place putting away the alcohol bottles

My name is flying on everyone's mouth,the killer who robbed two kids their father. Sighs,no matter how bad Musa has been,I should have never killed him. Nothing will ever justify it. I should have left. I got us here by forgiving him even when it was not necessary, even when signs were there that he didn't love me the way I did.

Malibongwe's car drive in and minutes later he walks in with an envelope on his hand

"How things have been?" He asks and I shrug my shoulders.

" I don't know what's worse. I miss my husband and child...so so bad" I admit

" Your son is okay but your won't see him for quite some time because as we return to court, we are going to plead insanity.... " I cut him short

" What? Malibongwe I'm not crazy! " I snap
" I didn't say you were but it's only going to help you in court. We cooked these papers, that way the judge will send you to a mental institution instead of a prison cell. At least you are guaranteed to see your son .. " he explains and drive me crazy even more

I drop on the floor and cry. He kneels and sits next to me

"I'm such a bad person, a murderer, Mmangaliso doesn't deserve me as a mother". He wipes my tears and tell me to stop thinking like a victim and start fighting for my son in every way possible.

I look at his eyes, such a fine handsome smart man. God why didn't I meet him instead of Musa? He's way dedicated and devoted to his family.

I don't know how but I kiss him, he blink shocked and remove his hands trying to get up but I tighten my grip around him deepening the kiss

My whole body reacts, feeling the need to have him grow even more

"Please Mal" I don't know what I'm begging but my hand is working on his belt at this moment and he finally get tired off fighting my hands off him and kisses me back slowly with uncertainty, letting me unbuckle him taking his shaft out.

I don't even undress, just shift my underwear aside and slide it in sitting on top of him. He rests his head against the wall with one grabbing my waist his eyes shut.
I cry as the mixture of pleasure and pain kicks in when his shaft goes deep struggling to get in. I haven't healed properly but damn it's feels good having him inside me. He pushes me off him and get up like someone who has been stroke by a lightning

"I'm sorry I can't do this" he says wiping his dick that's covered by my juices

I want to die at this point,who gives someone a sweet and then snatch it from the mouth again?

"I am not like your husband, and for someone who is here because of cheating, you should be ashamed of yourself for trying to do that to my wife

Justin will update you with everything about your trial"

He's angry,shit I messed up.

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*ATHULE*

One thing I’m grateful for through this whole ordeal is to be sent to the one place I once called home. These people here were not just patients to me but they were also friends. Once you sit down and listen to some of their stories you get to understand that not everyone out there is mentally disturbed, some of them it's situations and circumstances that have led them here.

I was discharged yesterday from the hospital and my parents are here to drop me off together with Mimi who remains in the car as we go in. I honestly don’t know how my life turned upside down, inside out in less than 12 months. One minute I was a happy free spirit person who only cared about my books, my job and partying but here I am today in a mental instituition trying to fight depression, whilst pregnant. Only Lord knows how this is going to go.

“Are you sure you going to be ok in here?” Mom asks me.

I shrug my shoulders “I need this, it's the only way I can be able to get better for not only me but my baby” I say to mom and she nods.

“we will discuss everything else once you are out of here" mom says and I nod, dad looks at me and asks that mom excuse us. I'm scared and worried about what is yet to come from him.

The minute mom walks out he pulls me into my arms and hugs me tight, I cant help the tears that manage to escape my eyes as I tremble in his arms. He holds me until we are both calm and then he peels me off him.

"I dont know the entire story of you landing up in here. You know I never entertain gossip but that doesnt mean I'm blind to it. It doesnt mean I'm blind to what happens around me" he says and then he sits on the bed and I walk over to sit beside him. "Let Thabo's death not be in vain. That man loved you, i dont know what led you two to break up but he loved you till the very end. When you come out of here I am hoping you come out more mature, I am hoping that when you leave this place you will be a better person, mentally and emotionally" he says and then he takes my hand into his and he kisses it.

"You're an amazing person. You are pregnant and I have no doubt that you are going to be a great mother to this child but baby you need to get better first. Growth is always uncomfortable, else it wouldnt be growth. Your mistakes are not worth it if you dont learn from them. One day you need to be able to look back and be grateful you went through certain trials because then those trials came with growth, emotionally and mentally. You are 25, you have your mother and me and your siblings. You are blessed, you are fortunate, do right by yourself, by this child's late father and by this child. No more drama from hereon. Focus on things that will make you grow, things that will bring you peace. Focus on you and this child" he says and I nod wiping my tears.

"I love you princess, so much and I am proud of you. I'm proud of you for getting help, for admitting you need help. It takes a lot and as your father I am proud" he says and pulls me into his arms. I never knew the depth of those words until now. My life has been in shambles but to hear that my father is still there rooting for me brings me so much peace and love and joy inside. I not only need to get well for just me and Nodoli but for my family too.

"Thank you daddy" I say and he brushes my back keeping me in his arms for a good 5 minutes or so before he let's go of me.

"Goodbye my baby" he says and then he kisses my forehead before he walks out.

I spend the rest of the day in bed alone reminiscing about everything that has led me to this point and I'm not proud of my actions. I should have never gotten with Musa, I should have never allowed myself to act the way I did. Maybe if I had done things differently then Thabo would still be alive and we'd be happy. I can't undo everything I've done, life is not an episode of Days Of Our Lives. The dead dont come back to life, I cant apologise to Musa for leading him on, I cant make things right with Thabo. All I can do now is try to mend what is broken, the little I can fix if possible.

"May I come in?" I look at the door and it Edith. I nod and she walks over to me and she pulls me in for a hug.

"For you to be in one of these rooms must mean life really fxcked you up" she says breaking the hug. I nod.

"I messed up Edi. I should have listened to you but I didnt and now I'm here. My life is a mess, I've messed up another person's life too and I dont know where to start in apologising" i say and she regards me for a while.

"Firtsly you need to forgive yourself first. As long as you havent forgiven yourself then you won't be able to ask for forgiveness from someone else, it wont make any sense. Forgive yourself and then talk to the person whose life you messed up and then take it from there. The road to recovery is not for the weak, it's not easy, it has speed bumps and trust and believe there will be days where you'll feel like giving up but you cant, not after how far you've come" she says and I nod "you've seen your wrongs and that's good, now comes fixing your wrongs" she says and I nod.

"Everything is going to work out in the end. You watch and see"

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To Be Continued