voicemail | b.e

twenty six

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some days you just wanna lay in bed and shut yourself out from the world.

we'd be on the road for a week and i didn't realise how badly i would feel.

i'd hardly seen much of billie, we weren't sharing the same bus and i only saw glances in-between concerts, stealing kisses in the green room and hugging as we made our way out of the arenas in separate directions.

i'd fallen back into my old habits of not eating, hiding my food until we got to another location and dumped it into a bin.

i hadn't been on my phone much, apart from answering facetime calls from my dad and cara as well as texting back a few people.

i'd barely been texting billie, i never knew what to say.

i felt like i was running on a treadmill and i couldn't turn it off.

my mind, my body, my heart was exhausted.

i just wasn't having a good day.

lisa had come to check in on me a few times and offering to hang out, clearly knowing something was wrong but i declined, pretending i was watching netflix on my phone.

tonight we were staying in a hotel and i was finally gonna get a chance to sleep, alone, in an actual bed.

we were about twenty minutes from the hotel, and then it would be a quick check in before going straight to the arena, ready for soundcheck.

i was wearing sweatpants and a crop top, a large zip up hoodie over the top, my hair thrown in a bun and i hadn't brushed it in three days.

i only brushed my teeth because i'd be seeing billie.

it's so weird that you know something needs doing, simple things like brushing your teeth and washing your hair, but you're just 'too tired'.

the bus came to a stop and a realise we must already be here.

i climbed out of my bunk and grabbed my backpack, keeping my headphones in and silently following everyone out, keeping my head low.

lisa taps me on the shoulder and i pull an ear out, looking up.

she rolls my suitcase over and hands me a key card "you're in room 807, as requested by billie" she smiles at me and i shrug, turning round and into the hotel, wanting to get inside before billies bus arrived and the paparazzi went wild.

everyone else slowly disappears and i trudge down the corridor, the only noises of my suitcase wheels trailing behind me.

room 807.

i tap the card onto the lock, watching it turn green and i open the door, rolling my case behind me and walking through.

the hotel room was beautiful but i was too tired to care.

i grabbed a change of clothes, so i could get up straight from my nap and head straight out the door later.

i walked into the bathroom and faced away from the mirror, not wanting to look at my appearance as i changed into my jeans and 'crew' shirt.

i heard the door opening and i opened the bathroom door, turning the corner and seeing billie walk in, immediately making me smile.

"what are you doing here?" i ask, throwing my clothes towards my suitcase, walking closer to billie.

"you think we were gonna spend a night in a hotel and i wasn't gonna share a room and cuddle the fuck outta you?"

i smiled widely and hugged billie, missing her warmth.