The Pain Called Love (Kaoru x Reader)

15: Break up?

     "Kaoru, what?" Hikaru was the first to speak up. The words his brother spoke out leaving the entirety of the Host Club dead quiet.

     "It just makes sense." He turned back around to meet my gaze. I didn't even know how to react honestly. I was still regaining my memories, so all the feelings still hadn't returned. But I knew most of them, I felt most of them. "Makes sense?" I finally said, my balled up fists releasing from my sides.

     "I don't want to be the reason you continue getting hurt." He slowly approached me, taking my hands into his own. They were warm. And I could see Hikaru tensing up beside me.

     "You think this won't hurt her?!" He shouted, stepping between Kaoru and I. "Are you actually stupid, Kaoru?! You have this amazing girl, the girl aside from Haruhi who KNOWS the differences between me and you and you wanna let her go?!"

     "Obviously not, Hikaru!" He shouted back, looking down at the concrete. I saw as tiny wet circles appeared in front of his feet, signally he was crying. "Of course I don't want to let her go! But I don't want to risk her getting hurt worse because of my selfishness!" He looked back up, his eyes flooded with tears as he looked deep into his brothers eyes.

     "I love her. That's why I'm doing this. I think she needs to get away from us, or else the girls in this school will just continue to bully her."

     "Do I not get a say in this...?" I finally said. My throat felt like it was on fire from how hard I was holding back from crying. I felt like I was suffocating.

     "I might not have all of my memories back, but I've made a bunch of new ones already. With all of you. I've even regained a lot of old ones. Ones I even wish I could forget forever." I had all of their attention, all eyes set on me as I spoke. I hiccuped, holding back a sob. "I wanna keep remembering. I wanna unlock all of these amazing memories I've made with you guys." I turned my gaze to meet a pair of teary amber eyes. "I wanna continue to learn all of the reasons I fell in love with you Kaoru. I've always been there I'm not ready to leave yet!"

     I lowered my head, my bangs covering my eyes that finally released the tears I had been holding back. My quiet sobs filling the air as no one really knew what to say. I then felt a hand on my shoulder, and I looked up to meet Kaoru's gaze once more. His tears hadn't stopped, they were probably flowing more than before.

     "Are you really okay with being with me, even though it's a risk?" He quietly asked, and all I could do was nod,

     "I love you, Kaoru. I don't know a lot still...but I know that I love you. My heart is yours, Kaoru Hitachiin."

     His body shook, and he quickly engulfed me in his arms. His scent filling my nose as I quickly wrapped my own arms around him. He buried his face into my shoulder, which quickly grew wet from his tears.

     "I love you, Y/n. I'm so sorry. I just want you to be happy, and not get hurt. I love you."

     "I know, Kaoru." I said quietly, opening my eyes to look towards the rest of the host club. They looked at me so sympathetically. I knew they felt bad. I knew they all wanted the absolute best for me.

     I brought my hand up, gently rubbing Kaoru's back as his grip around me tightened. I could feel him lightly trembling. He must have really felt bad. I could tell because i could swear I heard him quietly whispering 'I'm sorry' against my shoulder.

     "Are you going to stay in the Host Club?" Tamaki asked, breaking the silence that seemed to linger around. I only sighed in reply. Was I? I don't think I could. None of my customers liked me anymore. The school probably hated me. I remember very few things about the kids at school. I remember the taunts, and how they all believed I killed Kairi. 

     "Maybe I shouldn't. Like Kyoyo told me, a lot of my customers dropped me, and I wouldn't want to ruin the clubs image. I just...hope you guys don't decide that since I won't be around anymore, that you won't be my friends anymore..."

     "We would never stop being your friend, Y/n. You're apart of our family, in or out of the Host Club. We all care about you deeply." My eyes glazed as Tamaki spoke out, walking forward and showing me a large smile. It was one you could only return, because it was just so genuine. 

     "Thank you guys. All of you." I stepped back, Kaoru letting me step out of his arms but he kept his hands on my sides as he gazed down at me. His amber eyes slightly red from crying. I reached up, placing my palm against his cheek, wiping some of the tears that stained it.  

     "How about we get you home, and we can talk more tomorrow? We can all meet up somewhere, maybe at our place?" Kaoru said, bringing his hand up to cup my cheek. His thumb gently rubbed it, and I leaned my head against his palm. He smiled gently, leaning forward and placing a kiss against my forehead. "I love you, we will get it worked out okay?"

     "I love you too, thank you Kaoru. All of you. For never giving up on me...for the most part..." The words Kyoya spoke earlier that day still stung, but I know he was looking out for me. I know he felt bad on what happened. I looked over to see him staring at me, before sighing and turning away. I smiled, knowing he meant well, he was just bad at showing it.

     "Okay. I'll go home and rest, then tomorrow we can figure out where I go from there. Because none of it will really matter if I can't even return to school." I laughed a bit nervously, but then yawned. It had been a long day. 

     "I'll take her home guys, you all get home." Kaoru said, his hand finding my own and our fingers intertwining together. "Now that she's seemed to have remembered a good bit...I kind of wanna have some alone time with her."

     "No worries, Kaoru. I'll see you at home later." Hikaru smiled, looking between the two of us. I frowned slightly. I know Kaoru couldn't see it, but I could see the pain in his eyes. Watching his brother get to have the girl he pined for as well, and not even being able to do anything about it. I felt bad for breaking Hikaru's heart, even if I never meant it. I know he will find someone one day, though. 

     "Bye, Y/n!" The group called out, making their ways into the limo and driving off. I took a deep breath, and looked towards Kaoru. He let out his own breath he was holding, and pulling me into his arms once more. Holding me tightly against him. 

     "I wanted to talk to you about something. Because I know your memories are coming back more and more."

     I raised a brow curiously, hugging onto him as he took another breath.

     "I said something not too long ago, when we first started school. I regret it, so much. It was the beginning of thee awful chains of events. And I know you'll eventually remember it, and before you do I just wanted you to know how sincerely sorry I am. I think the world of you. You're amazing, kind, and selfless. You're the absolute perfect girl, in my eyes at least. I don't care what the school, or the world thinks of you. I love you so much, Y/n."

     I pulled away, tilting my head curiously, but then smiling to him. "Kaoru...couples fight and say things they don't mean. But...if I've learned anything from losing my memories...I've learned that I don't need the past to know I have connections with people. My heart knew all along how much I cared for everyone in the Host Club. Whatever I remember, whatever happened in the past, I don't want to focus on it. I wanna focus on making better, and new memories. Ones that are absolutely unforgettable."

     His smile couldn't get any larger, even if it were possible. He leaned forward, cupping my cheeks softly. "Can...I kiss you? I haven't in a while...and I miss it."

     "Hmm....as long as there's no lava cake involved." We both chuckled, and he leaned down. Hesitating at first, but then his soft lips pressed against my own. I could feel my heart warming, as the all too familiar touch made me feel like putty in his arms. His thumbs gently rubbed my cheeks, as he deepened the kiss. 

     This was definitely a feeling I could get used to again. Because I could feel every ounce of love and adoration he had in this one kiss.

     I love you, Kaoru Hitachiin.