Blue Ribbon

Chapter 11 - I broke my family

"I am just...just an unbearable reminder of some violent attack."

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Lilly's POV

My whole life crashes right in front of my eyes as Max mutters that word out loud.

My eyes only focused on my mother, my heart rapidly breaking in my chest in a way I've never experienced before and I know that this...this would leave a permanent scar forever.

The woman who raised me, who scolded me when I was wrong, who stood by my side when I was right, who supported me when I needed her to, who held my hand and guided me through life, who was just so strong and happy and full of life...I never thought that woman could've gone through something like that.

I couldn't think of her as someone who was once broken, abused, and hurt.

It didn't make sense.

Every explanation, every scenario went through my head when Christian showed me the truth about Max, but this...this could've never crossed my head in a million years. This was not an option.

It can't be.

It just can't be!

Oh my god, what did I do?

She shook her head, her teary devastated eyes on Max, and she stood in front of him, "You are my son," She refused to answer that question and rested her hands over his cheeks, trying to shake him out of that thought, "Nothing would ever change that, nothing, whatever happened in the past should stay in the past," She added, "You're our son, and we love you more than you can imagine and you know that."

He shook his head in defeat, his hazy eyes on her, but they seemed to be lost somewhere else, and something in them seemed to...die, the light disappeared and he took a step backward from her, "No," He said again, the heartbreak in his tone freezing me down in my seat, unable to move or talk, "You're gonna tell me that you were so happy when you figured out you were pregnant with me," He questioned, "That when you look at me, you don't see him," A couple more tears fell, "That I've hurt you without even knowing."

"No, no, don't say that, don't ever think like that!" Mom stressed out, "When I look at you, I see you only, I see my little boy, I see Max, I see someone I can't live without," She shook her head, "I don't care about anything that happened, because in the end I had you, and I can't imagine a life where you don't exist in, so please Max, I beg you, don't let this change anything, I can't," Tears swirled into her eyes, hurt cut lines over her forehead and she shook her head, "I can't lose you."

Her voice broke in the end and Max immediately wrapped his arms around her, him holding into her and she did the same.

I fought for my lost breath, fought for a way to erase everything that happened, everything I've heard, everything I've seen, and every word I said.

I pressed a hand to my mouth suppressing my sob, the words I said to her yesterday hunting my consciousness, words that will follow me till the end, words I wish I died before I said. My gaze went to dad, who silently let Max and mom go through this. His eyes went from them and fell on me, and in them, I saw every bad thing they went through.

He thought we were dead, he lived through that pain for two long years. The bitter truth started to make more sense, the dots connecting. I lived my first two years away from him.

When we came back, I probably didn't know him, did I?

He wasn't there when I was born, he didn't witness my first steps nor heard my first words.