Blue Ribbon

Chapter 51 - Heartless

"You can't burn what's already been scorched."

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Lilly's POV

"How long do you plan on staying here?" Christian's question broke through my thoughts, drawing my attention away from the cup of coffee he had cradled between his fingers.

Meeting his gaze, I blinked. I felt my fingers tremble with anxiety, curling tighter around my cup, "Just a couple more days, it's been almost a month with me here," I murmured, "I should head back home soon."

He nodded in understanding, his eyes drifting down to trace the rim of his cup as he seemed lost in his thoughts. Lines creased his forehead, indicating a deeper contemplation, "It doesn't get better, does it?" he mumbled, his voice low as his eyes met mine again.

I shook my head, feeling a pang in my chest as I grasped the weight of his question. Losing Noah, losing a friend—it doesn't get better. No, at least, not for me. If anything, it keeps getting worse. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I can't think of anything else...

Swallowing past the lump in my throat, I asked, "How is Nathan?"

My question was enough to alter his whole body language, it felt like a tremor surged through his being and knocked down his façade. Christian backed into his seat, picked up his cup, and took another sip. He licked his lips, his gaze lost somewhere far away and unknown. I traced every movement he made, every twitch in his expression, and my trepidation doubled.

He shook his head, "Not good," He answered, a tinge of worry in his tone, a bit vague for me to understand. A loud sigh parted his lips and he read my questioning look, "It's a long story," he added with a small shake of his head, unwilling to dive into details.

I nodded, feigning being concerned and I leaned forward, "I caught a glimpse of him at the funeral but we didn't get the chance to talk," I started to say, testing the waters, checking if he knew that I had stabbed him that day. If not, I will be able to lay my bait and get what I want out of this.

Christian nodded his head, apparently clueless about that part still, I figured Nikolas wouldn't let anyone learn about what I had done.

"He really feels bad about what happened to Noah, Lilly," And here he goes defending him, "I know you may not get it now and I can't exactly blame you, it's just way too complicated. Nathan...he is an enigma himself but he isn't exactly the monster you see him as, it's just..." He sighed, a weight too heavy settling over his shoulders, "It's just a bit more complicated than what meets the eye."

How in god's name did he switch sides too fast? Didn't Nathan kidnap and threaten him less than a month ago? What could've happened since then?

I hid my confusion and shook my head, "I don't blame him, Christian. Actually, I don't blame anyone for what happened," I said, apparently lying, "To be honest, I no longer care about Nathan or all that he had done, from what I understood, he is no longer a threat and that's all I care about," I added, my weak energyless tone way too convincing, "I just want to leave it all behind me before I go back home, you know."

Christian nodded, a sense of understatement flashed in his eyes as he reached forward, gently covering my hand with his own on the table. My body tensed but I covered it up right away. His reassuring squeeze was welcomed by my side, and I hoped it would lure him further into my ploy.

"Which is why I passed by here, to be honest, I wanted to see you, to rip out that page of our lives, to wipe out everything bad that happened, to move on, from what you inflicted on me and what I've done to you as well," I added and each word was taking me a step closer toward my aim, "I wanted to tell you that I forgive you, for everything, and I hope you forgive me too."