Blue Ribbon

Chapter 19 - Good luck pretending

"Silence is the undoing of every spell, and we are experts in the unsaid."

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Lilly's POV

A tangle of emotions surged through me. Mainly it was pain and guilt, but simmering beneath all of that was something that felt achingly...good.

I still refused to acknowledge it.

My heart sped as the feelings I've kept down all these days clawed through my veins and pounded in my ears. His words punching their way through as I tried to drink in the feedback of everything that is being said.

I shook my head, "No," I shook it again, unable to accept the whole situation, "No, no, you don't get to say that now, no, you can't!" My voice raised in bewilderment, "You can't come now and throw that past in my face, you don't get to make me feel guilty, you don't!"

"You don't get to make me wonder what could've been if I wasn't so damn blind!" I really was so clueless, mistaking every move he ever did, every action and every word as a gesture of us being just friends, family...That's all I ever thought we were, two very different people that grew up by each other's side, that tormented each other throughout the years; these two people, I never once saw them fitting...not till lately.

Not till I saw how much I needed some of his calmness into my chaotic life, and how he could use some of my craziness in his.

The possible what if's going through my mind made me want to just bolt and leave, run away before I start to regret everything, but all I could do was stand there, frozen in the spot, thinking how it's all so pointless now. It doesn't change a thing, it doesn't change the fact that he is still leaving, it doesn't change the fact that he...slept with her.

"I am just gonna pretend you never said that and just...just move on," I really need to do that, one month apparently isn't enough.

His eyebrows drew closer, "That's it?" He scoffed, "You're just gonna...pretend?"

I nodded, "I am pretty good at it, actually."

I swallowed past all the emotions clogging my throat, "Remember what we said before, that even if we didn't work, we won't lose each other?" I added and I could see something that looks so much like fear flash into his eyes, like he knew exactly what I was about to say next, "Yeah, I don't think I can do that," I shook my head, "I can't get over this," Over you, "When you're always right there ahead of me, when we keep talking and arguing," Air harshly pushed out of my lungs, "We can't go back to that, to the old us, we can't," I shook my head, "So, if you really care about me, stay away from me and I will do the same, I promise."

At my words, he turned his face away, like he couldn't handle to look at me at the moment, the muscles of his jaw worked and when he looked back at me, he said, "It's not that easy."

I nodded, "I know, but you can at least try and give me that."

I stepped forward till a few meters separated us, I extended my hand, "Deal?" I asked, "Once we walk out of this room, we're strangers." I added, "Promise me that."

His gaze flickered to my hand, it lingered there for a couple of seconds, thinking this through. His jaw ticked and I saw his hand move toward mine. I almost felt accomplished, but instead of shaking my hand, he took me way off guard when his fingers wrapped around my wrist and pulled me to him.

I gasped and all I felt after were his lips crash to mine.

I've kissed Chase before. Our kisses varied from time to time, sometimes they were passionate with ferocity, other times gentle and loving.