Blue Ribbon

Chapter 46 - Because of you

"It didn't happen to me, it happened in me."

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Nikolas's POV

My eyes traced uneasily across each word, my heart clenching in my chest as I tried to make sense of the meaning behind every medical term. Though far from a doctor I was, a chilling realization settled in. I could glean some understanding, enough to decipher the hazardous implications that lay within those pages.

The myriad test results painted a harrowing picture, each line intensifying the knot of worry tightening in my stomach. The stark reality unfolded before me, of how his lung was deteriorating at an alarming rate. The decline was exponential, and despite all attempts, the medications showed no fruitful outcomes.

My eyes lifted, finding Ronald pacing back and forth, the weight of stress visible in every step. I was the one who dropped this news on him, I told him to seek out Nathan's doctor and obtain the diagnosis. "A transplant?" I questioned, the notion being the only apparent solution my mind could grasp.

Ronald halted in his pacing, his eyes locking onto mine, "His doctor mentioned that he's already on the transplant list," he informed me, shaking his head with a heavy weight on his shoulders. "Unfortunately, there are no compatible matches yet, even though Nathan is high up on the list," he continued, his throat bobbing as he swallowed hard. "The doctor mentioned it would be a miracle if they could secure a lung for him before...well, before you know what."

My jaw tightened, fingers tapping anxiously over the desk's surface as my eyes fixated on the many words and scanned pictures, lost in contemplation. The words slipped out of my mouth almost involuntarily, "I can get him a lung."

Ronald's eyebrows furrowed, attempting to discern the implications of my statement. "Nikolas," he began, his tone tinged with uncertainty, questioning the methods I was considering.

My eyebrow arched defiantly, "You are aware of what we do around here, Ronald, right?"

"Yes, but—" He shook his head, teeth clenched, bewildered as he continued, "Look, he is my little brother, and I definitely don't want him to die, but that doesn't mean we're going to take an innocent person's lung and give it to him. There is a line, Nikolas, boundaries we can't cross!"

"Yeah, well, it was always my job to cross those lines," I declared, my nonchalant tone sparking frustration in Ronald's eyes as he vehemently disagreed with me.

"Look, I don't know about you but I won't be able to live with myself knowing that my brother is alive just because someone else died," He shook his head, being the annoying voice of ethics and morals, "And I know you are overwhelmed by guilt right now, but let's not forget all the bad things he did."

Indeed, overwhelmed by guilt, I was. That's why I'm trying— desperately attempting to overlook everything Nathan did. I'm trying to avert my thoughts from the haunting image of my little boy bleeding in my arms, from the agony I see in Max's eyes each time...I am trying, so why the fuck does everyone insist on forcing me to see it again?!

My jaw ticked, a mixture of fury and desperation coursing through me. "Look, I'm not saying let's kill people on the streets," I grated out, the intensity of my troubled emotions evident. "There are plenty of bad people out there with healthy lungs; I can assure you the world won't miss them," I justified my thoughts, but Ronald shook his head with uncertainty. "And what's your guarantee to find the perfect match among those specific people?"

"I will figure it out," I asserted.

Ronald sighed loudly before he dropped into the chair across from my desk, his shoulders slumping, the weight of the truth stripping away his energy and will, "I really have no idea what we're supposed to do now," he mumbled, just as lost as I am.