Blue Ribbon

Chapter 52 - A Cruel Fate

"We were children,
thrust into war,
and once it ends:
what will we become?"

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Lilly's POV

"Let's get out of here," Chase's words broke through my foggy thoughts, and I blinked, meeting his gaze. My brows furrowed as I asked in a whisper, "Go where?"

He shook his head, his warm hand engulfing my own, "To another city, another country, another continent even if you want," He said, a bit of an enraged flame blistering behind his cloudy gaze, beyond frustrated at the whole situation, "Anywhere else, Lilly, any place far away from here, from them, and all of this madness."

Weakly, I shook my head, "But running away won't fix this," I mumbled; although the urge to bolt was more pressing than anything else at the moment, because I had no clue how to fix this anymore. I lost sense of what's right and wrong, of who is the innocent and who is the guilty in this story.

"You can't keep worrying about trying to fix what happened," Chase shook his head, "This is not about running away, Lilly," He said, an edge to every word he spoke; like he desperately wanted to pull me into his own island and allow us to drift away, just him and me, wrapped up in a serene sanctuary where no one could bother us again, "You need a break," He said, "And if you stay here, you will always get brought and dragged right into the middle of this chaos."

I was sitting on the couch, in the hotel room Chase had booked prior to coming here, and he was sitting on the table across and so close to me, my knees almost touching his, and I could easily lean forward and fall into his embrace. My hand was sinking in his warm grasp. He ran soothing patterns over the inside of my palm, "Let me take you away from here," he requested, his voice softer now as he gazed at me, read the thoughts in my head, and tasted the agony seeping into my veins.

"You saw what happened," He shook his head, "It's not your fight, Lilly, it's theirs, so let them figure it out on their own," He added, every word of his made so much sense but—

"But it feels like my fight sometimes because —because I started all of this."

He shook his head, disagreeing, "The way I see it, you started nothing, you only hit play on something that was happening for so many years."

He brought his other hand forward, his fingers gently brushing the side of my face, tucking the loosened strands of my hair behind my ear, "I know that it's guilt —it's what's keeping you here and pushing you to do this," Sadness quenched his brows, his thumb delicately brushed the top of my cheek, his voice a mere whisper that echoed so loud in my heart and ears, "But Lilly, Noah's death is not your fault."

I shook my head, and involuntarily, my eyes glistened with tears, "But it is," I mumbled. Images and memories of that horrendous day pushed and pulsed, berating me for every sin and wrong.

"It is," My lower lip trembled slightly and I visited a pain I was trying to heal from over the past month, "It's my fault, it's Nathan's fault, it's Nikolas's fault, it's dad's fault, it's Emma's fault, we all...we all failed him, all of us," I shook my head, "He shouldn't be dead, he didn't do anything wrong, he was...he was only trying to protect me, he should be alive, not me, him."

Every word of mine alleviated the fire in his eyes, diminishing its intensity and leaving only devastation, one feeling I always brought into his life, "Lilly, but nothing is going to change what happened," He whispered and I knew that and I hated that. He shook his head and I felt so helpless, "Nothing."