Olympus Drive Book 3: According to Plan

Chapter 52

Anna

I thought it would be something, but it's nothing. It's walking through darkness. Darkness that slowly drowns out my flashlight. And my hope. It's not like I'm searching through people for her. I'm searching through---nothing. Absolutely nothing. There's nothing here to even exist. This is where she went?

"Mom?" I ask, my voice breaking, "Mom please I want you to come home. I want you to come home and meet my kids, like you were supposed to. To be able to tell my twins apart and meet my daughter. I want you to be there to tell me I'm being a good mom. And to talk to me. And tell me my eyes are brown not green. And call me your pretty girl and actually mean it. I tried to be strong. I tried to do it without you. But I couldn't---I can't. I want you to come home. And to bother me and tell me I'll fall in love someday and ask me not to get anymore tattoos. But I really, really really, need you home. Because you're my mom."

I have stopped walking and now I'm sobbing, "You said you wouldn't choose anyone over me. But you choose him. And that's not how it's supposed to work. You're my mom I don't have---anyone—else, at all, in the world. And ever since you left everything so weird. And messed up. And I'm alone there. And I'm confused and I don't know whether I'm coming or going anymore.

"But you're gone. Aren't you? Because you wanted to be. So I thought I was finding you because I was going to make you not leave me—I was going to force you to come back and to be there for me, like you always promised you would be. But I can't make you be that. I can't make you be there. I can't make you love me more than you did. I guess you loved me as much as you could. It just wasn't enough for me because in the end you choose him. And not me. Well my daughter's never going to wonder that, nor are my boys. I have kids now, they're pretty great. I wanted you to meet them. I wanted you to be proud of me.

"So I guess I have to be there for them, like you weren't in the end, except I'm not going to give up on them. I thought not giving up on you was what was most important—just like you thought not giving up on him is most important. But I'm stopping that—now. I'm not leaving them. My kids aren't gonna wonder where I am another day—they're not gonna think I abandoned them. I'm going home mom, without you. I'm sorry you didn't want to be there. I just---I came to say—that I wanted you there," I say, taking off the hourglass pendant, "My life is a mess and weird—but it's mine. And I'm gonna be there for my kids. I'll tell them about you, if that means anything. I kind of think it does—when words are all we have left of anyone. The stories we tell matter. I'll tell them about the roses. And how you used to take me kite flying. And all the good things, because those are what matter. Goodbye I guess—if you ever get out of here, come find me." Then I break the pendant.

With a rush, I'm back lying on the grass by the pool. I'm at Dean's house, well it's not really his. He and I may have manipulated somebody into giving it to us. That was kind of wrong. I don't care.

I get up and run inside, upstairs to the nursery. I hear my daughter crying while I'm still on the stairs, and before I even think I'm scoping her up from the crib and into my arms.

"Mommy is back, mommy's home, I'm not gonna leave again," I say, holding her gently, as she and I continue to cry.

"Oh---oh good you're back. Are you okay?" Ariadne comes in. She's wearing a big t-shirt and her hair is pulled back like she's been swimming.

"Yeah, I am now," I say, kissing my little girl's head.

"She's been fine, I thought she was finally down for a nap," she says, rubbing my arm.

"Thank you for watching her," I'm not gonna ever leave her again. Ever.

"Of course," she says, smiling kindly, "I'm glad you're okay. I was worried about you."