Flashes And Palettes | 𝘈𝘳𝘶𝘈𝘯𝘪

16. Favorite Lullaby

Seeing Armin sleep peacefully beside me is already enough to mend my broken heart. My heart might be contented but my mind has been doubting myself. My mind has been bothered for the past two weeks. What happened two weeks ago ( the kiss Armin and Vanessa shared ), have been replaying relentlessly whenever I close my eyes or whenever I stare at a certain object.

Everytime he is in a deep slumber, I am sleepless, thinking, maybe I am not enough? Or maybe I wasn't a good fiancee to him? Maybe I did something that he didn't like? Maybe my style isn't trendy enough? Or maybe he just doesn't love me anymore?

It left a great damage to me. I stood up from the bed and went to the living room. I sat on the sofa and that's where I curled myself up. The show Armin and Vanessa gave me, played in my mind again which caused my heart to throb in pain again. It's hurting me so bad. And yet...

I can't leave him.

But it's not because I am pregnant, and I need him. It's because I just don't want to. I don't want to leave him, and I won't ever do that. But if we really aren't the missing piece to each others' incomplete puzzle, then maybe we can just be great parents to our child. And if I am bringing him down already, then I might as well be selfless, and let him go even if it's against my will.

I don't want to be the reason of his career to go downhill. I don't want him to face the same fate as my mother. I want him to be loved and accepted by many, even if it means I'll have to stay hidden in the shadows. As much as possible, I don't want to be anyone's cause for their misery. I want to be the one to lift them up. To make them happy.

"Schatz? Why are you still awake? It's already 2AM. Come here, let's go to sleep. Staying awake at this hour is bad for our baby." Armin said in his sleepy voice, slightly rubbing his eyes.

"I am sorry. I just can't sleep." I stood up and hugged him tight. "Will you sing for me and our baby?" I requested and he smiled. We both went to the bedroom, our arms wrapped around each other. He made me lie down on the bed first and he followed. He covered me with the comforter, but his body isn't covered even if it's super cold. "Aren't you cold?" I asked.

"You're far more important right now." He smiled and he started to stroke some strands of my hair. I wanted to burst out into laughter when he started to sing a nursery rhyme for me.

"That's not the song I want, Min." I complained.

"Why? It's good for the baby." He answered.

"Sing something else. Please? No nursery rhymes." I requested again. In normal days, his hands would be wrapped around my waist, but right now, his hand is intertwined with mine and placed on my stomach, while his other hand serves as my pillow. I slowly closed my eyes as he hummed a familiar tone.

Look at the stars,
look how they shine for you.
And everything you do,
and they were all yellow.

I came along,
I wrote a song for you.
And all the things you do,
and it was called yellow.

He released my hand from his soft hold and inserted his hand inside my shirt to caress my tummy. I smiled when I felt him smile against my skin as he bury his face on my neck.

So then I took my turn.
Oh what a thing to have done.
And it was all yellow.

Your skin, oh yeah your skin and bones.
Turn into something beautiful.
Do you know?
You know I love you so...

You know I love you so...

"This song will be Astra's favorite lullaby." I whispered. He nodded and pulled down my shirt that was slightly lifted when he inserted his hand to caress my tummy. I faced the other side and he is facing my back. He pulled me close to him and hugged me tight. "Your voice will be our baby's favorite sound."

"I hope our baby gets your eyes, schatz. But our baby will get the rest of her features from me." I can feel his hot breath against my skin and it sent shivers down my spine. "I love you forever and ever and ever and for a lifetime. I love you so much even more than my whole career. I am willing to give it up if it means spending the rest if my life peacefully with you and the family we'll have." Although, it sounds dreamy, it will just stay as a dream.

While he is willing to give up his dream for me, I am willing to give everything up for his dream.

~ • ~

I woke up with a very bad headache, and a very bad cramp. It's a cramp that I experience everytime I have a period but this is worse. I want to panic but I have no time for that because I am in so much pain right now. I don't know what to touch first, my lower abdomen, or my head.

I opened my eyes when I heard the door open. "Oh my gosh, schatz, are you okay? Why are your hands pressed against your abdomen and head?" He asked and sat beside me. "I don't want you to drink pain reliever because it might be bad for the baby."

"I just want to stay at bed all day." I said.

"What do you want to eat?" He asked.

"French fries and ice cream." I smiled but he frowned. I should be eating healthier but Astra is really telling me to eat those kind of foods. She's the one craving for it, not me. He left the bedroom and came back with a tray in his hand. In the tray, there is a bag of potato chips and a bowl of vanilla ice cream.

I sat up slowly because I am really in fucking pain right now. He put the tray on the nighstand and put the small breakfast table in front of me. He placed the tray on the table and he watched me as I eat.

"You're dipping potato chips on ice cream?" He asked and I nodded.

"Why? They're delicious. Try some." I said and handed him one. He ate the chip that was dipped and I smiled at him.

"It's not bad. It's actually good." He said and nodded slowly.

"Right?" I asked.

"Right."

~ • ~

I stood up from the bed and kept on massaging my head. The cramp I have earlier is now gone, and I am only dealing with headaches now. I have to take a shower because I am feeling so hot and I don't know why. It feels like summer when I am literally stuck on my bed in a room that has air-condition for 24/7.

I went to the bathroom, brushed my teeth, and slowly stripped off my clothes. I removed my engagement ring and put it inside my short's pocket. I hopped inside the shower and let the cold water fall on my skin. I opened the bottle of my favorite lavender body scrub but it disgusted me so I used Armin's body scrub instead. It's minty and I think it's better. I also used his shampoo because all of his bathroom products smell better than mine now.

After I shower, I covered my body with a robe, and wrapped my hair in a towel. Armin suddenly entered the bathroom and he flinched when he probably smelled his bathroom products around the room.

"Did you use my products, schatz?" He asked and I nodded.

"The lavender one disgusts me please throw it away. I want your smell better." I said and left the room with my dirty clothes to put it in the hamper in the laundry room. I took my engagement ring from my used shorts and wore it again. I was putting my clothes one by one but my underwear caught my attention. There was a small spot of blood on it and I can't help but feel nervous.

"Armin!" I shouted and the door of the laundry room suddenly opened.

"Why?" He asked.

"I am bleeding."

~ • ~

Had to do an update no matter how late it already is here in the Philippines. I am not feeling happy today so I decided to update because this is already my therapy. So to the one who's reading this, thank you because you are a reason why I feel better during my darkest days. By the way, thank you for reading!