Canvas | Jikook

Onlooker

"At this point, my actions can no longer be justified... either that, or I simply cannot deem them as such..."
****

________________________
__________

Disclaimer: Smuttt! Also, it's my 18th birthday yall 😏😂
__________
_______________________

Unknown POV

I watched as he picked him up and swung him around like he was the most precious of all things. My heart clenched at the sight, the same lingering loneliness that ate at my being daily.

They were so beautiful to watch, so carefree and so genuinely in love as they drowned in each other's presence, the beaming carnival lights glimmering against their bodies as they held each other.

For a second, I had completely forgotten my reason as to why I was here. As to why I kept watchful eyes on the two young boys who I couldn't help but envy. I'm not suppose to feel any compassion, I'm not suppose to feel any sympathy, guilt or regret, yet I do. It's all I feel as I gaze at them with a warm feeling burning in my chest.

I never asked to be born, I never asked to be used as a mere pawn to carry out such heinous and incredulous acts simply for the satisfaction of another man, whom is deemed as my biological father.

All my life I've been serving him like a loyal dog to their owner, yet not once has he acknowledged me as such. Let alone, as his son... his blood and the very child that practically worships the very ground he walks on.

I mean nothing to him, and although I know that.... I've just wanted him to at least accept me... to notice me and view me as his precious child. Yet... instead he sends me off, in search of a boy he's been looking for, for the past eight years.

The same boy I'm currently watching getting embraced in the arms of his lover.

"I can't do this... I can't fucking do this..." I whisper to myself, a lone tear escaping my eye as I look away from the loving couple who shared a passionate kiss.

There's no way I can possibly ruin either one of their lives. I don't want to. I never wanted to. But there's nothing I could fucking do about it. I.. I just... I can't do it...

You have to! You must, otherwise you lose your brother.... It's either him, or your brother...

My conscience speaks to me, my brain thundering against my skull as I shut my eyes tightly, combing my fingers through my hair and tugging at my scalp.

My brother.... I almost forgot... I was doing this for the sake of my brother. The very person who doesn't even know I exist... crazy, I know.. although he's just my half brother, and a few years younger than me, I feel the need to protect him at all costs.

I know what he's been through, the abuse that our father had put him through and the various inexplicable incidents that were inflicted upon him at such a young and tender age.

During that time I hadn't known I had another brother. I was secluded and locked in my room for the first ten years of my life, so I had to find things out on my own. Fast forward a few years later, I got to meet him.

But of course, he had no idea who I was. Despite his blunt and seemingly cold remarks, he was kind at heart. He kept people at an arms length in order not to get hurt, whether it be emotionally, physically or both.