Conquering the Wild Waves (Villaloid Siblings #1)

17

Trigger warning: Suicide, depression, death

Unti-unti ko iminulat ang mata ko.

Puti. Iyan ang unang bumungad saaking paningin, i roamed my gaze at nakita ko ang mga kapatid ko.

"You dumbass! Why did you try to kill your self!" Kuya Czino shouted, his voice is full of anger, worriedness and sadness.

"Paano kung hindi ako pumunta sa kwarto mo?! Pinaglalamayan ka ngayon, Czena!" Kuya Kurt messed his hair out of frustration

I saw Luke crying silently on the corner, he lifted his gaze on me " Iniwan na nga ako ni mommy tapos ikaw may balak din ako iiwan? Ang unfair mo naman"

"You should always think every action you should made. Think of the damage it will cause to yourself and to other people. To yourself. It's not bad to sometimes think for yourself first before other people" Kuya Enzo emphasized the word 'to yourself'

Kaya nga i've decided to kill myself because i know the damage that i will bring to other people is not that big comapre to the dmaage i will bring to them if i live.

Hindi ko nalang sila pinansin at ipinikit ang mata ko, wishing the pain that i'm feeling will disappear the moment i open my eyes.

"Czena Adikia!" A loud yet worried voice filled the whole hospital room

I didn't open my eyes, i know it's Graxie

"Bakit hindi ka nagsasabi? Sinasaktan ka pala ng tatay mo! Nag-aaral ka ng law, alam mo ang mga karapatan mo!" She said while sobbing

Tinignan ko lang sya, kahit naman sinasaktan ako ng tatay ko mahal ko pa din sya.

"I'm okay" i just simply said before turning my back on them

Malakas na napabuntong hininga si Luke i heard them saying na hayaan na muna ako.

I just slept the whole day, pero kahit mag hapon na ako natulog ay pakiramdam ko ay pagod na pagod pa din ako.

"Czena, kain ka na" Kuya Enzo said while brushing my hair

Dahan-dahan akong umupo at inalalayan naman ako ni kuya Enzo. Hindi nya ako hinayaan kumilos, sya ang nag asikaso saakin habang kumakain.

My gaze adverted on the door when someone opened it. For a while i hoped that he was the one who will appear but it's just Jaile.

"What we're you thinking?" Frustration was visible in his voice

I just shrugged my shoulder and opened my mouth at sinubuan naman ako ni Kuya.

I didn't talk the whole time, i just remained silent, wala lang talaga akong gana mag salita. Parang nawalan ako ng gana mabuhay. Maybe i'm just tired. Tired of everything i guess.

"I'm going na" Pag papaalam ni Jaile

Lumapit sya saakin at niyakap ako, i didn't hug him back.

He let go of the hug and gently brush my hair "I'm always here for you Czen" i just nodded

Umalis na din sya noong nakahiga na ako, medyo masakit ang ulo ko dahil dalawang beses tumama sa lamesa, naka limang tahibsa likod at dalawang tahi sa may temples ko.

"Baba lang ako, babalik din ako agad" pag papaalam saakin ni Kuya

I heard the door opened then later on closed. That's when random thoughts started to bug me, i started hearing voices, saying i'm not worth it, i'm useless, no one loves me at pabigat lang din ako.

I heled my head and started shouting hoping those little voices will go away, but it got worse. Tears started to flow down on my eyes. As my tears flow, the voices in my head started to get louder.