Obsession

22. A Message

Fear

Anxiety

Regret

Sadness

Relief

And the last of them all

Loneliness

All of them I had felt so many times before, but loneliness, that was something I havent felt for a long time...

I sit in the floor, my back resting against the door for awhile; until my tears dry up and my breathing evens out.

'check the pockets.'

The pockets, what pockets?

"The suit... he left his blue suit, maybe those pockets?" I ask myself out loud, before standing and rushing off towards our room and digging through the closet, pulling out the bright blue suit. I dig through all the outside pockets on both the jacket and pants, almost dropping to the floor in disappointment that I had misunderstood his words before remembering the inside pockets in the jacket.

I quickly reach into the inner pockets to find an old voice recorder and a thick sheet of paper. Cardstock probably... upon further inspection the paper is a picture of the two of us, a fairly recent one, a selfie I had taken of the both of us making silly faces after an attempt at making pancakes turned into a food fight. Both of our faces are covered in flour and a bit of batter sticks in his hair. I smile, flipping the picture over to see a neatly written note on the back.

Y/N,
I sincerely apologize for all that I put you through and as much as I'd like to stay and be a part of not only yours, but also G/N's life, I can't do it. I really do love both of you with all of my being and the time we spent together both before and after she was born means the world to me. I believe that this is the best option, as I'm a constant reminder of the pain you've endured in the past two years. I promise we'll meet again someday, not in this life, and maybe not even the next, but our paths will cross again eventually. So, Y/N I ask that if you do choose to remember me, do it by the good I've done, but don't forget my downfalls.

His name is signed in beautiful lettering underneath, along with a small and simple drawing of a silhouetted man and a woman by a tree. Underneath the drawing is a side note,

I recorded some songs for you, some of them new, some of them from my old band with the guys. I thought you'd enjoy them, I remembered that night that you had a breakdown after getting drunk with Mikey and you asked me to sing you to sleep, and the way you tend to get all starry eyed when a song I know comes on, as if you're waiting for me to sing along with the lyrics.

In the place of the period at the end of the note is a small heart. A small smile crosses my face and I pick up the recorder. I press the play button and Gerards familiar voice rings through the speaker, "hey sugar, this is a song I had hoped to get recorded and out in the world but I got a little-" he pauses, chuckling lightly "distracted." He finishes and I hear my own voice muffled in the background "nothin'" he giggles and I hear fabric shuffle as if he was hiding the recorder.

"You walked in on me recording the message for you," he chuckles "had a lot of trouble trying to convince your stubborn ass that it was nothing!" He laughs. I laugh, only now noticing the tears that had made their way to my cheeks. "Anyways, as I was saying, before I was interrupted..." he pauses for a moment "this is a song I had planned on recording but y'know..."

"Its called Drugstore Perfume..." he pauses for a moment, clearing his throat and soon his beautiful voice fills the room.

"She waits at windows,
Her dreams don't show in color
And she sleeps, for now...
She just waits around
Wishing she could leave
Single mothers in parking lots...
And another girls evening out,
This place let's you down easy..."

He finishes the song, followed by a few more and a quiet "I love you..." before the recording cuts off. I let a light chuckle pass through my lips "I love you too..." I raise a hand up to my face, wiping away my tears, as the door opens "Y/N?" Amy calls softly, I didn't even notice her come into the apartment...

"H-hey Ames..." I manage to breath out, "I'm sorry..." she steps toward me, wrapping her arms around me "wheres-" she cuts my question off "I tucked her in for ya, didnt think you'd be in a good position to do so, and I'd say I was right..." she trails off, pulling away before her eyes drop to the picture resting in my hands, the recorder in my lap and the leather jacket I dont even remember putting on.

"Can I?" She asks, gesturing to the picture in my hands, I nod slowly, handing it to her. She looks at the picture and smiles "you two were always getting into trouble huh?" She chuckles, and I crack a small smile, thinking about him "yeah..." she flips it over, reading the note on the back and I cant help but notice her eyes tear up a little. "He really cares about you guys... I mean, he gave up the perfect life so you wouldnt feel the pain of remembering the incident when you saw him..." she trails off and I look to the floor.

I space out for awhile until I hear a familiar voice singing,

"So long to all my friends, everyone of them met tragic ends..."

I let it continue for some time, eventually my eyes tear up a little and with a shaky breath, I quietly sing along with the lyrics.

"If I could be with you tonight,
I would sing you to sleep,
Never let them take
The light behind your eyes..."

_____________1014_______