Crazy Beautiful Life

Day 49 of 365

So today suxks, and then it was good so?

So I woke up and broke down I don't know why, but I did and cried and cut and my wrist was fucking bleeding and it sucked

So then it was before math and I wanted everyone to leave me alone and in math we had partners but I know Mia hates me and I wanted to be alone and my math teacher asked why I wasn't working with no a and I just said I wanted to be alone. And then my wrist/ forearm hurt so I finished my homework and sat there. In Turkish It was neutral and in computers I did a PowerPoint on Australia because I'm typicallllllllllllll

And then at lunch Mia was left out and I feel so bad but then again as soon as I make her mad i can't stand myself and want to branch away...

So me and mady played on our phones and I jumped over a pole

And then in English I judged everyone because they all fucking suck

And then when it came to social studies I had to read and I almost cried but I did pretty good I think.

So in science I was trying to Crack jokes and make conversation with my group but they all gave me dirty looks but if I was with Mia we souls be laughing our asses off, wait I would be laughing my ass off and Mia would pretend it wasn't funny lol

Then in club was the worst part ever.

So we were in club and she told me to put my phone on the table.

I can't just put my phone there. So I was stressing out and was scared so I couldn't dance and then everyone left for a 2 minute break and she said

"Why don't u go pat your phone for some reassurance"

And I broke

I could not handle that

So I went and grabbed my phone and then I yelled at her. Like literally I don't even  talk to my grandma like that... and i told her it's a mental illness and I cannot help myself so I grabbed my binder and went to walk out and she told me to come and I just kept yelling no no no no

So she brought me in the hallway and I had to explain that it's a mental thing she cannot help me and I started crying. And then I had to go face everyone behind the door... and then there I was, I broken down in front of everyone and then I started to not be able to breath and everything was closing and there I was panicking and then I got scared of everything and now I'm crying and everyone's arguing about me and others just don't give a fuck

So then she cut club early because of me and it was embarrassing so then me and kaija talked and I went home and told my grandma and I wanted to die and I fell asleep and made plans with mady and devlin and I wanted to talk to Mia so bad but she hates meee