Crazy Beautiful Life

Day 16 of 365

Today sucked

Ass

So I got up and did my routine and then I went to school and on the way my grandma said that she knows why everyone hates me because she does too. So I started crying and then Caitlynn git me and I told her why I was crying and then I had no one to be with once I was inside school so I went into the bathrokm, and I ran into my first period teacher and she said she felt like cap too so it'll be okay

And then I just sank to my knees and cried, and cried

Then this girl came in and offered me a tissue, and this girl in my class asked if I needed a hug and if I wanted to talk about it and I just couldnt. I didn't want this attention. Then the bell rang so I walked to class and my teacher said stay out of the classroom and I got all these stares so I went on the opposite walk so no one saw me and I went with the counselor and told her everything and she said

"Just wait til it blows over "

It's not just gonna blow over! Everyone hates me and that's that.

Then I went to class and I couldn't find the paper everyone was working on so I just sat there gathering everything in...

Then the bell rang so I went as fast as I could to the bathroom in the upper bulding and there was kaija and I was about to have the worst panic attack and I just had to leave, so I left and went to Turkish class. And I was looking up something because I didn't know a word and she was like "it's easy you should at least know that" and I felt like crap, and I couldn't stop panicking and I stopped breathing for a couple seconds at a time and then I started crying and D'Angela was like making me smile so I was okay... and then this girl threw up everywhere and I didn't get the chance to talk to my teacher because of that so....

Okay and then after I went down to the main building and saw Mia and we just walked up and I wanted to just break right there but what are u supposed to do?

Then we went into computers and the two people that fucking hate me sit on either side of me and I just thought how I won't be able to say goodbye to them, and I was planning on, you know dosing tonight all day I was planning it out, still am. And I just cried and my teacher asked me to go to the clinic so I went down, and she told me to go to the library, and then she made me go to the counselor again, and I told her I can't stand myself or the dirty looks or the ignoring and I'm gonna break and she just told me get over it...

And she sent me back to class... and all I did was play on excel, not even doing what I was supposed to do......

Thankfully lunch came around and I sat with Mia and I couldn't talk, what would I say? So then we went to the upper building bathrokm and talked and looked at the graffiti we did the year before. Memories :D

Then I went to every class, getting bursts of happiness every couple of minutes and then I went home and layer in bed and kept looking up drug doses and different ways of doing it and thinking of how dumb I am.

And then I talked to tatum, mia, mady, corbin, Andrea, jukien, and Megan

Then I had to baby sit my neighbor and her dog attacked me so I have a gash in my leg.

And then my phone was being weird and kept doing it so I got annoyed and my grandma is like

Oh what's wrong

Oh blah blah blah

FUCKING LEAVE ME ALONE

So then she got mad because I'm about to cry over my phone...is  this really how bad off I am?

I just want to be gone

Then maybe everyone will be better off , not have to worry about me anymore

I just don't know anymore.

I just wanted to say for the millionth time, I'm sorry...

1/16/16155 9:42PM