Shadow | BTS

40

Jimi Charles Moody - Other Man

John Powell - Assassin's Tango

*

I wiped my running nose. I looked back if no one is following me.

Nah, it's good.

I could see the way colors are changing around me. From black to white. From gloomy to bright.

I carelessly walked towards higher buildings. I started feeling how fast my breathing stabilizes.

I didn't want to think a lot about what happened. I don't want it to haunt me even more. It's already hard, it's already too much to endure.

Or is it not? I'm already lost just from thinking about it.

Nobody said it will be easy, no one ever told me things in life comes easy but why did I choose the easiest way?

It's very common we all do the opposite things in life and I'm not an exception.

I saw the local bathroom while walking, went straight to wash all the dirt off. 

While I was rubbing all the blood off of my hands I looked at myself in the mirror. 

"Pull yourself together, Yoongi" I whispered. "Do it" I said to myself. 

"All of this will be worth it, for a better tomorrow, for a better life" I said. 

"For a fucking better tomorrow.. For a fucking better tomorrow" I was repeating and rising my voice little by little. 

"F o r a f u c k i n g b e t t e r t o m o r r o w" I shouted and grabbed the bottle of soap and threw it to the ground. 

I was breathing heavily like I had an asthma attack. I suddenly looked in the mirror and all I saw was this little weak boy who was lying to himself. 

"Lying? Oh no.." I answered to my thoughts. I smiled. "No, no" I laughed.

"Everything will be fine, I can manage that, I can do it" I raised my head. 

I washed my face, fixed my hair and clothes and went out. 

Seems like I was in a whole different place. In a place where I've always wanted to be. The sky seemed brighter, streets looked cleaner, even the air felt like it was way more fresh. I just followed the melody. I couldn't resist. I have always wanted to live like this. Oh to be here... To breath this air, to spend every weekend in one of those restaurants, to discuss about what really matters in the world..

..to have everything.. even just a tiny bit of that what is called everything..

to just exist..

Even to dream about it were too posh for me.

"Sir?" young man with a costume has asked me.

"Any tables left?" I took my hands out of the pockets and politely asked. 

"Certainly" he smiled. This guy was probably the best example of what my mother expected me to be. He then escorted me to where I was supposed to put my jacket. I was glad the staff didn't give me a weird faces for what I was wearing. Let's just pretend I have never heard about dress code in a places like that.