Catching Fireflies

Twenty Seven

M

I watched those two from the fires. I watched as they both huddled off into the trees and snuck into the forests dark shadows. I watched them so intently that I stopped paying attention to everything else besides the laughter from those around me.

I was the only one who wasn't smiling it seemed.

No one deemed to notice.

I couldn't see them clearly, but I could see their silhouettes come together as he pulled her in close and wrapped her tightly into his arms. I could see her shaking and the way his caresses brought her back to stillness.

I watched how he looked at her in past times. I watched his eyes dilate as they watched her pass by around the room. He watched her with every essence of himself and didn't care about who noticed. He watched her the way she would watch the stars from the ledge of her balcony.

Something ached inside of me. Something turned as I watched him pull her deeper into the woods with her hand in his. He didn't pull her, she followed him willingly.

"You look tired, Mari," Isaac said as he leaned in closer to me from his chair. I moved my eyes to the fire in front of me instead.

I shrugged. "I guess," Isaac slipped his hand down my arm and interlaced his fingers with mine and raised our hands to his mouth and planted his lips softly against my hand.

"I think we are gonna call it a night," Isaac said to the others and sat up from his chair. With his hand in mine he tugged my arm as we walked away from the fires and towards the cabins down the pathway. He walked and pulled me along with him as he petted my hand with his thumb.

When we got back to out cabin, I slipped out of my clothes and pulled one of his t-shirts over me and climbed into the bed beside Isaac who had already gotten cozy. He had his arm opened for me and I snuggled into the crook of it as he wrapped his limb around me.

He rubbed my back as I listened to him breathe. I watched his chest rise and fall in the dark as I trailed a finger along his skin on his bare chest. He felt the ripples of his shirt as it hung loose on my body. He traced the lines of my curves as he tugged on the shirt ever so slightly as he trailed his hand down.

He watched my body as I shifted. He watched as the shirt pulled up against my exposed legs.

"I love you," He said as he turned to his side and rested his vacant hand on my waist. "You know that?"

"Of course I do," I whispered as he reached for the hem of the shirt still barely covering me.

"What's on your mind?" He asked and lifted the shirt up.

"I miss you," I said.

"I'm right here," He said and pulled the shirt over my head.

But he wasn't. Not for me.

He touched my skin, touched it with such gentleness that if he weren't careful enough he would tear me to shreds. He traced my outline and breathed in every ounce of me as he sighed. He moved my hair away and tucked it behind my ears, not a strand out of place and not a single place for it to cover.

He watched my body as it moved, cursed at the sheets as we tangled beneath them. He watched my body, my chest, my waist, my legs, and everything else.

He never watched me. Never looked at me.

Something ached inside of me. I watched him as he watched my existance and watched as his eyes closed as his teeth clenched. He fell limp them laid beside me.

He fell asleep and I watched him the same way as I had once watched my father as he smiled. As his body rose and fell with each of his breaths, I stared at myself in the mirror across the room and saw the same void eyes stare back at me.

She watched herself as she slowly felt everything slip away.

I watched myself as I closed my eyes and disappeared.