Catching Fireflies

Twenty Two

C

I didn't know why, but ever since we had arrived at the dumb resort, I was dreading the whole trip. Liam told me I was just being overdramatic as we unpacked our cabin. No matter what sense he threw at me, I couldn't stop the feeling from arising in the pit of my stomach anytime something inconvenient happened.

"You're just overthinking things. Relax." Liam cooed as he wrapped me in a quick hug before he left the cabin to meet up with his select few friends at a campfire. "Go find Maria and I'm sure everything will be fine." Liam ruffled my hair as he shut the cabin door behind him and left.

The problem was, I didn't want to go find her.

It was beginning to become apparent that something was going on between us, whether we knew why or not, but something was pushing us apart and I didn't understand why. More and more times we hang out together, it feels strange. It feels wrong and forced. It's no longer a comfortable flow of being in each other's company, it was now an uncomfortable pattern of being in the presence of each other one minute and wanting desperately to go somewhere else.

The atmosphere wasn't the same.

I would look at her and not see the best friend I once thought she was to me.

Faith dragged me from my cabin to a firepit Maria and Isaac were sitting at. There weren't enough seats but Faith had a blanket on hand and laid it along the grass for me to sit on. I made myself comfortable and I stared at the fire while the others talked.

I drowned everything out. I could any hear the crackling of the fire pit in front of me. I would hear a burst of laughter and I would smile along with it without knowing what exactly was so funny. My hands found the grass and I played with its bladed petals with my fingers.

I didn't want to be here.

Movement I could see out of the corner of my eyes snapped me out of my trance and I look up to see Maria and Isaac leaving their seats and disappearing into the dark, a place where the fires couldn't light and find them. God knows what they were doing, but they were gone.

"Are you doing okay? You've been out of it since we got here." Faith came over onto the blanket next to me.

"I'm fine." I said simply and leaned back onto my hands.

"Is everything okay between you and Maria?" Faith asked and crisscrossed her legs as she sat.

"Why do you ask?"

"You two have seemed off I guess. Maybe I'm just reading too much into it." Faith leaned back with me and we watched the fire as it ate away at the wood in its belly.

"I don't know if we are okay. I don't think we are." I said finally and Faith turned to me.

"I'm not one to get between y'all's drama which seems selfish but often time you guys have to talk it out on your own," Faith said, pausing for a moment of thought before she continued. "But considering how she only ever spends her time with Isaac now and is hardly ever found alone, I can see why that might be hard."

"It's impossible," I said immediately and harshly. I leaned back forward and sighed. "I can't figure out what's wrong, but we are growing apart."

"I've been watching it happen. I hoped that maybe it would eventually stop and get fixed, but I see it hasn't gotten better." Faith placed a hand along my back.

"I don't like being in her company anymore," I mumbled. "It's all change so suddenly. It's weird." I gave myself a pity laugh.

"We'll figure it out okay? For now, let's ignore the shit, and have some fun." Faith said trying to be enthusiastic and I forced a smile. I just looked sad.

"Thanks, Faith. I think I'm going to go back to my cabin. If Liam comes looking for me, That's where I'll be." I stood up from the blanket and walked away from the fire pits and to the cabins.

I walked into my cabin and laid down on my bed. I didn't bother getting my phone, or my sketchbook. I just laid on my bed and let myself feel numb. I didn't feel like crying, I didn't feel like sleeping, and I didn't feel like moving either. Someone could've mistaken me for a dead body, but I was just an empty shell of who I used to be and what my friendships aren't anymore.

Maria is pushing me away.

Faith is distancing herself because, in reality, she's afraid she might make things worse by helping.

And Isaac,

Isaac.

I once saw him as an older brother, but along with Maria, he's pushed me away too.

I was losing them and I couldn't stop. All I could do was stop while I watched us all fall apart.

There was a knock at the door. I thought it was Liam at first, but he has no reason to knock since he has a keycard. I got off of the bed and I walked over to the door and slowly swung it open.

"Can I come in?" It was Ashley. I quickly snuck him in and shut the door. I hoped no one saw but it was a relief to see him.

"What are you doing here?" I asked as I fidgeted with my fingers.

"I saw that you left the campfires. I thought I would see if you were okay." Ashley scratched the back of his neck then looked at me. "It doesn't look like you are."

"I'm really not," I whispered. I looked down at the floor and at my feet. "I want to go back home." Ashley took a step forward and slowly wrapped his arms around my body and pulled me into his chest. I took a deep breath as I got smothered in whatever cologne he was wearing.

"It'll be okay." He cooed and rubbed circles along my back.

I don't know what it was. Whether it was his large arms wrapped around me that made me feel safe or the fact that maybe it wasn't going to be okay. Everything was falling apart into pieces, and I was losing control. I could no longer sleep without seeing things in the dark. I was afraid to sleep because slowly as the nights passed, the more vivid my dreams were getting.

I was falling apart.

I was breaking and I couldn't stop it.

So I just broke down in his arms. I buried my face into his shirt as the tears came spilling out of my eyes. Silent sobs croaked from my throat and I grabbed handfuls of Ashley's shirt as he just stood there and held me. He didn't say a word. He just rubbed my back with soothing circles and made quiet hushing sounds in my ear.

"It's not going to be okay." I sobbed. "Everything's all wrong and I can't fix it."

"You can't fix everything. You're only one person with one heart." Ashley said soothingly. I looked up at him, ignoring his now tear soaked shirt.

"That's not very encouraging." I sniffled.

"You can't possibly expect yourself to fix everything on your own, do you?" Ashley raised an eyebrow. "What can't you fix?"

"My relationship with Maria, everything with you, and I can't stop falling apart."

"All of those things takes effort from both parties, not just you." Ashley lifted his hand to my cheek and wiped away my tears with his thumb. "You can't fix things with Maria if she doesn't want to do anything about it."

"What about you?" I questioned, and Ashley softly chuckled.

"I'm right here aren't I?" Ashley said and he leaned in and planted a small kiss atop of my head and wiped away the rest of my tears with his thumbs. My heart pounded as I looked at him as he watched me as I breathed.

I went onto my toes and placed my lips against his and felt them against mine. I pulled away and saw the look of awe on his face as I looked up at him again.

"Thank you," I said.

"Anything for you, Princess."