Catching Fireflies

Eight

A

It was strange to have Cris sitting right next to me again. To have her star at the sky while I stared at her watched the light gleam in her eyes. A part of me was hesitant, afraid that this moment wouldn't last, or that another one wouldn't happen. I didn't know what to do then, so I just sat there and listened to her breathe. I fidgeted with my hands, tapped my feet, and even leaned forward to rest my elbows on my knees.

I was so worried that I was going to drive her away. I retraced all of my past steps. I thought of things that might have upset her and avoided doing them. I think of the night of the party and of anything i could've said or done that might have made her angry with me, or something I might have done to make her uncomfortable. That night was hazy in itself, but I didn't recall doing anything that she didn't like or anything that caused her to make a negative reaction.

I just kept my arms, hands, legs, and feet to myself. I scooted over a little bit more to give her space. I didn't say anything either. I had so many things I wanted to say, things I wanted to ask and questions I wanted so badly to be answered. But I saw the way the stars twinkled in her irises. I saw the darkness that swirled in them, the hurt, the pain, the bags under her eyes.

She looked so tired.

I looked away for once. I stared at the concrete beneath my feet.

"Ashley?" Her voice cracked, but her lips never wavered.

"Hm?"

"Do you want to go to the deer stand with me?" I nearly choked on my tongue as I turned back to look at her. She looked at me and we just stared and stared and stared. I didn't know what either of us was waiting for, but there was something. Whether it was her waiting for me to answer, or me waiting on her to change her mind, we both waited for seconds to long.

I stood up from the steps.

"Let's go."

We walked side by side through the words. I cleared the branches away as we walked, and kicked through the overgrown grass to form a path for Cris. I counted how many days it had been since we had both gone down there together. Sometimes I would go down by myself and wait for her. She never came those times.I couldn't blame her though. She probably thought I was stupid.

The clearing came into view, and we both stopped. We stood and stared at the old deerstand in the middle of the wide clearing. It looked more run down than ever. I wanted to step forward, but I waited on her first move. She stopped before the clearing and so did I. I wasn't going to go on without her, instead I wanted to be alongside her for every step she needed to take and I was there to help her. The only time I went ahead was to make the pathway a little bit easier to get through.

And if this was her first step to get to wherever she wanted to with me, I wasn't going to screw up and go on ahead of her.

So I waited. I counted the seconds, kept track of her short intake of breaths. I waited.

Cris started walking to the deer stand and I followed right behind her. She climbed onto the ledge of the deer stand, and took a seat on it. I didn't climb on with her, instead I found a not so comfortable spot in the grass at the base of the ledge and sat down right next to her legs. Her feet dangled next to my head and she began to swing her feet slightly as the breeze went through.

"Isn't it a bit early for us to be out here?" I asked her. She hummed to herself.

"Does it matter?" She said. I chuckled.

"I suppose not," I didn't have Cris next to me to be able to look at her while she watched the sky like I liked too, so instead I looked up at the actual sky. It was as beautiful as I had always known it to be, but it looked better in her eyes than it did in mine.

Cris stopped kicking her feet and rested them for a moment. Then she rested her foot on top of my shoulder. I couldn't help but look up at her and she was looking right back at me. I smiled and then looked back up at the stars.

Then Cris moved her foot off of me and I couldn't help but frown. I heard her shuffling around above me but I paid no attention to it.

But then I felt her hand weave itself through my hair. She combed her fingers through it and twirled it around her fingers. I leaned my head back into her hand as far as i could until my head was resting against the deer stand. I closed my eyes as she played with my hair. I guessed that she had moved herself around to where she was laying down and then dangled one of her arms down to mess around with my head full of hair. I full thought of it made me smile. I couldnt help but laugh to myself.

"What?" She asked.

"Nothing." I said.

I couldn't help but fall more in love with her in that moment. To feel her close to me again even if it was just her hand on my head. The smallest gesture from her meant everything to me. My heart pounded in my chest and all I could think about was her soft eyes and her slight smile as she saw the effect she had on me.

I didn't care about how vulnerable she might have thought I was then, all I cared about was the fact that she was here with me again.

And if I would never get this again, I would wait anyway, for that chance or possibility to sneak back here with her.

Aiden called me love sick.

Mom said I was in love.

And maybe I was.

I wouldn't deny it. I was. Any extra day that I had to go on without seeing her, talking to her, or being the reason she smiled, hurt me slowly.

I remembered about that one time I threw a pencil at her window. I wondered if it was still there hidden in the weeds along her house.

I was beginning to fall asleep as her fingers caressed my scalp.

"Ashley?"

"Yes?"

"What are you thinking?" I was thinking a million things at once. So many things that I was afraid to tell her.

"A thought for a thought?" I asked.

"Deal."

"I wonder what I did so wrong to make you hate me." She stayed quiet. "Now, Princess, what are you thinking?"