Not even him

CHAPTER 3

TW- self harm, drinking, language, and use of f-slur if those topics are trigger or uncomfortable for you pls proceed with caution

Before I let myself sink to the bottom I texted Simon and told him id get my own way to america by friday. That was the day we performed. Let's just say it wasn't as nice as that a few other things were said. No one needs to know really. I checked my phone after that and say millions of notifications. Turns out someone saw me crying leaving Simon's office and at Louis and I's flat. Damn.

It's drinking time.

    Good thing the room came with good alcohol. I poured glass after glass. The sun was setting now but it wasn't close to done now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LOUIS POV

    Damn it. Where is he. Everyone is looking for him. We were all worried after Simon asked him to stay behind. After seeing the photos of him crying, I couldn't stand it. I called Liam for help. I didn't want to leave El before we went on tour.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Another bottle down. I still feel a bit sad, bit angry, bit confused. The same question flooded my head. Simon's words swirling around my head.

Why? Why me??? Not anyone else, me.

    I picked up my phone once again to see missed calls from all the boys, from friends, from family. Two stuck out one from Louis talking about how he was worried and sorry and scared. Then, one from Liam. He was being his daddy direction self. But something about it was off. He was saying he was worried about everything but he said something about calling him and that he couldn't live if something happened to me and he knows it hurts and he can help. For some reason, for some stupid reason i cracked for a second. And that's all it took. Text thing i know im pressing the call button on his contact.

He answered.

I started to cry once again. Mumbling things I wasn't even sure about at the moment. He was telling me i'd be ok. But i wasn't sure.

LIAM'S POV

L: harry, breathe ok. Slow down. Talk to me.

H: i- i-  L- li I- I'm s-scared

L: ok, ok, ok. Do you know where you are? Can you tell me where you are luv?

H- h- hotel ne-near the flat i- ro-room 9-92-928 i-it's unlo-unlocked

L: ok, I'm almost there stay on the phone with me ok

H: yea-yeah o-ok

L: breath, just breath

L: ok, i'm on my way up i'm going to hang up now i'll knock will you open the door

H: y-yeah

    I was now at his hotel room. I knocked twice before he opened the door. Before I knew it he collapsed onto my arms sobbing.

Something was really wrong this time.

After I pulled him into his room and claimed he was sobbing, I was able to actually look at him. He was a mess falling apart, crumbling. He whispered under his breath "I messed up. It's my fault. It all is. He was right." it was so cold with only a hint of sadness tears streamed silently down his face mine too. I was scared he's he youngest of the group. The baby of us. He was falling apart in front of me. "Who is he harry? What did you mess up?" He replied still staring at the floor "Everything i messed up everything Li. Si-sim-" he started sobbing again. That fucker, he broke harry.

It's been around 15 minutes of trying to calm harry while a few of my own tears have passed.

Im now cradling him while his tears slow down and he's caught his breath. "Can you tell me more?" he hummed a yes still not looking at me. "Si-simon heard how some of the rumors were-were true and he was angry. Really angry." i interrupted upset for Harry. "I swear if he hurt you-" "no he- i mean not really he-. He found out I'm gay and that I'm still depressed." he paused for a seconed scared of what he just addmithed to. "He told me that no one would love me and that i should kill myself already an-and that i- that may-maybe the gay would would blee-bleed ou-out of m-me." he was sobbing again. "I-i re-relapsed a-a-ag-again i'm s-sorry."
   
    All i could do was hold him tighter. Now, crying as well.             How could Simon.