Not even him

CHAPTER 15

  I lay there starring at the ceiling. Maybe it is all a nightmare, maybe I just have to wait to wake up. My mind is racing as I think more into this hell. How am I here? Why am I here? What did I do wrong? This is my fault, isn't it? I'm the reason everything is so beyond fucked up at this moment. Where did I go wrong? It's my fault. It's my fault. Holy shit it's all my fault!!! My heart monitor was going crazy. My breathing is picking up. I'm becoming dizzy. Things are spinning. Not again. No No NO NO no no no NO no no no no!!! "NO!!!" Someone has to help me please. "STOP!!! NOOOO!!! GET OFF GET OFF NO NO PLEASE STOP!!!!!!" someone ran in. no no no. "please please please!" No please no not again. I'm begging, pleading. "I'm sorry I'm sorry please please!" they're reaching to me. No no. They grabbed me! NO GOD NO!!! There's another person coming in the room, I look at them pleadingly. "Please, please help me!" they're getting closer "Please" tears are streaming down my face. More people are coming near the room. "PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME HELP!!!!!!!!" NO NO NO NO this is where I die. The other people who had just arrived were just standing there someone has to help me someone has to. The person holding me tightens their grip. NO! "NO PLEASE PLEASE I DON'T WANT TO DIE NOOOOO!!!" "HARRY!!!" they know my name. No. How do they know my name? I look at the person who walked in second. There are tears in their eyes. Is this my end? No, please. "No please." I felt as though I was clinging to the last thread of what I could. "please?" this is it. I'm over. Done. I finally turn my head to where my eyes meet with the person who was holding me in a tight grip. "Please?" I guess I'm accepting my fate as my pleads are now low whispers in questioning scared tones. I've excepted that this is my end. The last of me. There isn't anymore beyond. "Harry?" I relaxed my body knowing it was the end now I just had to wait. "Haz, please?" I take a deep breath as I look into my holders' eyes for one last time. This will be the last thing I see. Except now the once scary dark colorless, lifeless eyes are red and puffy and watery? Why are they sad? They almost look familiar. They are. My whole body relaxes. 

 "Paul?" I throw myself at him. He's here. He saved me. I start to cry more. I looked around now recognizing all of the other people. Niall, Zayn, and Louis were standing at the doorway tears streaming down their faces. Then there was Liam standing to my right he was the one I was pleading to for help. He was crying hard with his hand over his mouth to hide the sounds of his sobbing. His eyes were full of pain and sadness while also being loving and caring. He slowly approached my side. "Can I?"I knew what he was asking. "Y-yeah." he sat down on my bed. The other boys came and sat around me. We sat there for a minute, all just glad that we were here together. After a while, Liam asked if he could talk to me I agreed of course and the others left. 

 He didn't have to speak I knew he really just wanted to see if I needed to talk he let me take my time. He sat on my bead both just looking at our hands. I waited to gather myself a bit. "H-he was here Li. I- oh god.?" tears that had threatened to fall finally did so freely. Liam moved closer engulfing me in a hug. Liam was closer to me than the others. He knew more than the others. We trusted each other fully. We knew we'd always be there if we needed each other. "It's okay. I'm here he's gone. You're here." I took a deep breath. "I don't know where I went wrong Liam. I fell stranded and tired and small. I-i don't know what to do with me. I don't how to process this. I-i just I can't. I wanted an escape tonight not another reason for one." He let me just spill it all out, tell him everything. "It felt so real. It almost felt worse. Like there was no way to get out. I- I thought I was about to die. I even excepted the fact that I was gonna die. I prepared myself to die Li. It almost scares me more, that willingness to just die. The acceptance of it. I thought it was the end."

Now I look back wishing it really was. I've been more than accepting more than willing...