Not even him

CHAPTER 4

(everything is in harry's POV unless said otherwise.)
/play leave a light on by Tom walker - acoustic when Liam starts to sing/

    Liam and I sat there for a while. He would tighten his hold on me when my sobbs got bad, as if he was holding me together and keeping me there. His shirt was soaked that's for sure. My crying only slowed the slightest. That's when he began to sing.

"The second someone mentioned you were all alone
I could feel the trouble coursing through your veins"

    He took a second to look at me. I was slightly looking up still crying heavily

"Now I know, it's got a hold

Just a phone call left unanswered, had me sparking up
These cigarettes won't stop me wondering where you are

Don't let go, keep a hold

If you look into the distance, there's a house upon the hill
Guiding like a lighthouse to a place where you'll be

Safe to feel our grace 'cause we've all made mistakes
If you've lost your way

I will leave the light on"
He continued to sing with tears still slowly streaming down his face, he was in pain. He was in pain cause he was sad for me. He felt my pain, he felt pain for the way i had been treated. He was sad and scared he just wanted to hold me and protect me from the world. Something in this moment just felt safe. His singing calmed me. It's a song i've always liked but now i can feel the pain behind it. The crying wasn't going to stop inly slow.

"I will leave the light on

Tell me what's been happening, what's been on your mind
Lately you've been searching for a darker place

To hide, that's alright

But if you carry on abusing, you'll be robbed from us
I refuse to lose another friend to drugs

Just come home, don't let go"

    You could hear the pain in his voice singing those lines. He just wanted me safe. He was scared of me letting go. He wanted to keep me safe and tight in his arms comforting me. I have to admit i do wish it was Louis whose arms i was in right now but it was smeone. Someone was all I needed.

"If you look into the distance, there's a house upon the hill
Guiding like a lighthouse to a place where you'll be
Safe to feel our grace 'cause we've all made mistakes

If you've lost your way

I will leave the light on
I will leave the light on"
    He sang parts of a song that should be harsh so beautifully. It was calming. The tears were slowing more and more. I could still feel the pain but right now all I wanted was someone. I could understand why he chose the song.

"I will leave the light on

If you look into the distance, there's a house upon the hill
Guiding like a lighthouse, it's a place where you'll be
Safe to feel our grace and if you've lost your way

And I know you're down and out now, but I need you to be brave
Hiding from the truth ain't gonna make this all okay

I see your pain, if you don't feel our grace
And you've lost your way

I will leave the light on
I will leave the light on
'Cause I will leave the light on"

    He finished with a small sobb. One of his best mates, a fellow bandmate, a loved one, harry was in so much pain that it was hard not to cry too. I could understand the song with a new meaning, the meaning of which was hope. The time when you hoped they wouldn't leave cuse there wasn't anything you could do without them. Where you would be there if they needed anything and hoped that maybe just maybe you could save them. Could save me.

    We sat there for a moment, silent. Tears still streaming down my face and occasionally Liam's. I spoke up first "It hurts Li. He was so mean and dark like he had no compassion for anyone or thing. He was scary streaming and yelling at me, slamming his fist into the table. I was scared, I still am. I don't think i'll ever get those words out of my head. I- i'm sorry you had to-to do this Liam. i know you probably would rather be anywhere." He looked at me almost offended. "No, you don't have to say sorry. You did nothing wrong. I'm not leaving you to handle this alone. Ok? Yes i'm scared and sad but harry, you should never have to feel that way again. You hear me. I'm here for you." I nodded "thank you really Liam. I- If you didn"t come when you did in all honest i'd probably be dead by now or close to it." A tear slid down his eye. "Haz, don't ever think that way again. I- I don't know how i'd live." "Li, I don't really wanna go home and see people. They'll just make me more sad and i don't want their pity. I just don't think you wanna stay here. "Harry I'm not leaving you. Why don't we go to my flat, no one's there. And I- I hate to say but you'll have to say something to them soon I mean we leave tomorrow."
   
    "Li, I already messaged Simon I'm just going to fly out Thursday. I just don't know how much I'll be able to handle peopleLi." He looked at me understandingly "Well then, I'll stay. I don't want you alone. Plus I still haven't packed what I was going to tonight." "yeah um. Ok."

    We got up and I was a bit dizzy at first but it went away. I checked the time it was around 8:30 ish. Had it really been that long now I could understand why the boys were so concerned. I grabbed my small amount of things, leaving a large cleaning tip. Through the panic attacks and all the alcohol things ere everywhere. It was a mess.

    Liam was next to me putting a seedy hand on my hip. I was still quite a bit drunk. I think I actually blacked out for like 2 hours or so. He led me down to his car on the way down, which was rather silent. It was peaceful though not really awkward. After we got in and started to buckle up he began to speak. "Harry, I'm so sorry for what he put you through. I can't begin to imagine how you feel. I just want you to know that you're safe with me, ok?? I just want you to know I'm here when and where ever you need me I know I'm Not Lou but I'm still someone." "Thank you Liam as i said I'm not sure what I would've donr without you. And I'll take note. I actually am rather happy it's you Lou wouldn't understand or know how to handle something like this properly."

    We finally arrived at his flat after a bit. I always loved his flat, it was just cozy. It felt like home.

Lou couldn't save me. Now I had Liam and without him I might have been dead.