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I was panting, sobbing, I couldn't breathe. Liam is trying to calm me down. I'm still driving. Everything is blurry. I can't see. I'm sweating.
The world fucking hated me.
I was finally pulling into Liam's driveway. When I arrived he came rushing out. He opened the door for me. I was in such a haze I didn't even acknowledge his existence until he unbuckled my seatbelt and got me inside. I took one step into the house and then just fell into his arms. I crumbled. Why?
He held me, whispering encouraging words to me. I don't know how I'll be the same. I leave tomorrow to see the boys. I have to sit there and fake smile like it is all ok. Perfect. I just continued to sobb.
I don't have a mother anymore. I don't have a family. I don't have Gem. Who do I call if I'm in an accident? Where do I spend the holidays? Is this how the fans would see me?
What even am I?
How am I here? A week ago I was fine. Now I'm here. Where am I? Who do I have? What am I to anyone? Who did I think I am? I've now fucked up everyone's lives. It's me, I'm the burden. I'm nothing, Nothing to no one. To nothing. I'm nobody? I'm nobody.
Something in me went numb. The crying stopped. I couldn't feel it. I turned off the emotions. I hid them. I'll fix this. At least make it look like I did.
Liam saw how my whole body changed. He saw as I cut off all my emotions. He watched me become numb. I could see he was scared off by the sudden chance. The emotions were too much. I had to do it. It was the only thing I could do.
"Haz, you can cry. You can scream, you can throw punches at a wall for all I care. Just don't do this. Breathe. Ok? Please? You can't do this. Harry, I'm begging. This isn't good for you.""How would you know that?" I stared at the ground, emotionless tears still streaming down my face, but yet I didn't feel them. He stayed silent just wanting to listen to me. "She disowned me. She disowned me, Liam. She's so disgusted by me she disowned me. I don't have a family anymore. Not a sister, not a dad, not cousins, not nephews, not nieces, not uncles and aunts, not grandparents, not even a mom! I have no family. I have no one to spend holidays with. If I letmyself just have emotions, I will crumble. I can't crumble. People are watching me constantly, Everyone would see. And the fans. There's so many of them. How would they react? Management would rather kick me out of the band then let me be gay in the band. It'll ruin our image they say. Simon says nobody will love me. Says i should kill myself. Says im a worthless fag who cant even sing but now they can't let me go. Maybe he's right. I mean even my mom said i was a disappointment, disgusting, horrible, a sin, you name it. I guess i should kill myself like they say-" "HARRY, STOP!!! DAMN IT THE WORLD IS SO MUCH BETTER WITH YOU HERE. YOUR THE STRONGEST SINGER IN THE BAND. ALL THE FANS LOVE YOU. SIMON IS FULL OF BULLSHIT!! AND TO HELL WITH YOUR MOM IF SHE CAN'T SEE IT. DON'T TALK LIKE THAT!!!" He cut me off. "I WANT TO DIE!!!! I WANT TO DIE LIAM!!! I WANT TO DIE!!?? I-i want to die!! I-i wa-want-to-to die. I-. Liam!?!" he came rushing to my side. I just collapsed everything I said just through my body. "Li-liam i- don't kn-know anymore. I-i can-can't die bu-but i want t-to." I can't catch a breath. "Haz, harry. It's ok. I promise I'm here ok? I'm here. I'm not going to let you go."
Eventually, he brought me to his spear room. I had finally fallen asleep. He stayed in his room next to mine with the doors open so if I needed anything I could hollar to him.
When I woke early the next day I didn't want to get up, but I knew I had to grab my stuff to catch the flight later today. I was about to fall back to sleep when Liam came in. He woke me back up and handed me some headache medicine. I cried myself to sleep so he knew my head would hurt. "I'm going to let you rest for a bit longer. Yesterday was tough. I'll go grab your things from your flat so just be ready when I get back in like an hour we'll get lunch on our way."
He was doing so much for me. "Thanks Liam for everything I appreciate it really. I'm sorry for the problems I caused. I couldn't thank you enough for all you've done." "It's nothing Haz. I'm glad to help. I hope you feel a bit better."
He walked to the door grabbing his keys on his way out "I'll be back in an hourish."
I set an alarm on my phone for 45 minutes and went back to bed.
Oh how this world hated me
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Not even him
Fanfiction.....there wasn't anything we could do. I could do. What was done was done, there wasn't anything to change that. Not even him. Not even he could save me. It's not like anyone cared right. Not. Even. Him. TW- self harm, depression, drinking, langua...
